WHERE DO GAYS RETIRE PODCAST
Show Notes
Lancaster, PA: No Gay Bars,
No Gayborhood, No Problem
Hosted by Mark Goldstein| Guest: Stephen Hardy |Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Runtime: approximately 60 minutes
Stephen Hardy and his husband Addison thought Phoenix was the finish line. They had raised two sons there, downsized into a gut-renovated mid-century condo in Midtown, and built a full civic life. Stephen served on the boards of Ballet Arizona and Arizona Opera and chaired the ballet's 2025 gala. Then the desert started to wear on them. Addison missed having a garden. They both missed seasons, museums, and being a short hop from a big city.
France was ruled out over the language barrier and the bureaucracy. The Pacific Northwest, where they are both from, had gotten too expensive. New England was on the list, until Stephen's research turned up a name he was not expecting. Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
On paper it checked every box. Liberal, walkable, excellent health care, a serious arts and food scene, an hour by train to Philadelphia and three hours to New York, and no Pennsylvania state tax on retirement income. They visited in April 2025 and knew within two hours. They bought a 1920s townhouse in Chestnut Hill and moved in this past April.
Here is the part that surprises people. Lancaster has no gayborhood and no gay bar. Stephen says neither is missed. Pride flags fly year round in shop windows and on front porches. He and Addison hold hands walking home from the theater. The city is only about 60,000 people, but it packs them in densely enough that Stephen describes it as the West Village set down on its own in Pennsylvania. Four months in, they had built a full social circle with almost no effort.
If you have ever worried that leaving a big city gay scene means giving up community, this conversation is for you.
🎧 In This Episode
- Why a couple who loved Phoenix's arts scene still decided to leave
- What it actually feels like to be an out gay couple in a small city surrounded by conservative farm country
- Why Lancaster has no gay bar, and why Stephen argues it does not need one
- What a 1920s townhouse in the nicest neighborhood in town really costs
- How Pennsylvania's retirement income tax break stacks up against its property taxes
- The one piece of DMV paperwork that catches every out of state mover off guard
- How they built a real friend group in under four months
⏱️ Chapters
00:00 Introduction. Who Stephen and Addison are, and why Lancaster
03:18 From New York to Connecticut to Phoenix. Two dads, a fashion career, and a second act as an author
05:15 The Mark connection. Neighbors in Phoenix, and two very different exits
06:41 The April 2025 visit. Why the Philly suburbs did not work and Lancaster did in two hours
08:32 A family migration. Stephen's sister, then Addison's sister, followed them
09:04 It is not Amish country. A real small city with four colleges and a multi ethnic population
11:22 Choosing Chestnut Hill. Tree lined streets, fifteen minutes from Penn Square
13:11 Four seasons again. Snow, humidity, and why neither is a dealbreaker
15:23 Rivers, gentle hills, tree ordinances, and yes, sometimes you smell the fields
17:14 LGBTQ+ life. No gayborhood, no gay bar, and no sense of loss
19:31 The Gayest Happy Hour, the Belvedere, and year round Pride flags
19:47 The Gelks. How the Elks Club became a gay bingo night
20:51 Amish Country Queer, and the LGBTQ+ youth who come into the city to be themselves
21:59 City versus county. Navigating a conservative rural surround
23:28 The kilt question
24:03 Cost of living. What a Chestnut Hill townhouse costs, and what the $200,000s still buy
25:10 Property taxes, school taxes, and why they are glad to pay them
26:12 The famous Stephen and Addison renovation, round two
27:10 No Pennsylvania tax on Social Security, pensions, or retirement withdrawals
28:15 Utilities, groceries, dining out, and the state liquor store markup
30:29 Walkability, the Keystone train line, and getting to Philadelphia, New York, and Europe
33:01 Health care. Penn Medicine, an openly gay primary care doctor, and a dentist shortage
36:16 Crime and safety. Walking home at night, and the one real hazard
40:22 Arts and culture downtown. The Fulton, First Fridays, murals, and street pianos
41:52 Southern Market, Central Market, and a downtown with almost no chains
42:29 How they built a social life in four months
45:51 Where they eat
48:31 Logistics. Cash closing, utilities, and Pennsylvania's DMV plus notary two step
50:35 Inheritance tax and why they are updating their wills
51:55 What Stephen misses about Phoenix
53:03 Would he change anything
53:31 Advice for LGBTQ+ folks afraid of leaving a visible gay community behind
56:30 Stephen's books, contact information, and final words of wisdom
📊 Lancaster by the Numbers
- About 60,000 residents in the city, at roughly 8,100 per square mile, denser than Seattle
- A fifteen-minute walk from Chestnut Hill to Penn Square, twenty minutes to the train station
- One hour and five to fifteen minutes to Philadelphia on the Keystone line, twelve trains a day on weekdays and eight on weekends
- About three hours to New York on the same train
- $300,000 to $400,000 for a typical Chestnut Hill townhouse, and the $200,000s for a nice three-bedroom elsewhere in the city
- About $10,000 a year in property taxes across three overlapping tax districts, but $4,000 to $7,000 just blocks away
- About $275 a month for electric, gas, water, sewer, and garbage combined
- Zero Pennsylvania state tax on Social Security, pensions, and retirement account withdrawals
- 1730, the year Lancaster Central Market began, making it the oldest continuously operating public farmers market in the country
- 1852, the year the Fulton opened, widely considered the oldest continuously operating theater in America
💬 Moments Worth the Listen
On why there is no gayborhood:
Stephen's answer is not that Lancaster is too small for one. It is that the whole city functions as one. You do not feel a need to self-segregate to feel safe and welcomed. Everyone is simply mixed in, including the older gay couple across the street.
On the Elks Club:
Stephen remembers his father's Elks lodge as conservative and white. Lancaster's chapter has a contingent of gay members who call themselves the Gelks, and Tuesday night bingo is how Stephen and Addison met half their friend group.
On the first two hours in town:
Trans flags, Pride flags, and Black Lives Matter signs on the walk. Lilacs and tulips in bloom. Strangers stopping to say you have got to move here. That was it.
On what he would change:
Nothing. Every day we pretty much get up and pinch ourselves.
On the fear of leaving a gay scene behind:
You can be yourself anywhere. Gay bars matter enormously in places where people feel unsafe, Stephen says, but Lancaster is not one of those places, and the LGBTQ+ people who live there are there precisely because they feel safe
🎭 Arts and Culture Mentioned
- Fulton Theatre, an 1852 National Historic Landmark on Prince Street, with a mainstage and a black box, casting out of Philadelphia and New York
- First Fridays gallery walk along the Prince and Queen Street arts corridor
- Franklin and Marshall College, Pennsylvania College of Art and Design, Thaddeus Stevens College of Technology, and Millersville University
- Public pianos placed around town each spring, and the ongoing parking garage mural project
- Philadelphia Orchestra musicians who live in Lancaster and commute in
🍽️ Food and Drink Mentioned
- Lancaster Central Market, the 1730 farmers market at Penn Square
- Southern Market, a converted factory food hall with German, Korean, Caribbean, Mediterranean, and Turkish stalls, largely immigrant owned, with communal seating
- The Belvedere Inn, an 1870s mansion turned restaurant and bar, with jazz nights, a monthly cabaret, and Stephen's favorite lobster bisque and mussels
- Bert and the Elephant for Belgian, South County for barbecue, X Marks the Spot for soul food, plus Josephine's, C'est La Vie, and 401 Prime
- Lemon Street Market, a locally sourced grocery two and a half blocks from their house
- A downtown of independent coffee roasters, with no Starbucks in the city itself
🏳️🌈 LGBTQ+ Community Mentioned
- The Gayest Happy Hour, the first Thursday of every month
- Lancaster's Elks lodge and its Tuesday night bingo
- The Unitarian Universalist congregation, plus affirming Presbyterian, Baptist, Congregational, Catholic,...
