In this solo episode of Wild & Waking, I’m sharing honestly about a season of postpartum depression, anxiety, identity loss, and the strange loneliness of feeling like the woman you used to be is suddenly very far away. This is not a story about being unable to function. It is a story about smiling, making memories, singing in the car with your kids, and still feeling crushed beneath the weight of thoughts that no longer feel like your own.
I talk about what it has been like to return to therapy, to recognize high-functioning postpartum depression, and to grieve the version of myself who once felt so clear, energized, healthy, and connected to her work. After two unexpected pregnancies, years of unraveling and deconstruction, and another season of two under two, I am facing the truth that there is no going back to who I was before. There is only the work of becoming someone new.
This episode is for anyone navigating postpartum mental health, identity shifts, deconstruction, loneliness, motherhood, or a season where the person you used to be feels almost unrecognizable. We talk about asking for help, finding meaningful community, holding hope for the version of life that is still ahead, and continuing to commit to the woman you are becoming, even when you cannot fully see her yet.
In this episode, I explore:
- The buildup of postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts, hopelessness, and the moment you realize you need support
- Returning to therapy after years away and the vulnerability of asking for help when you already feel overwhelmed
- Why gratitude does not cancel out grief, and how a beautiful life can still feel unbearably heavy
- The identity loss that can come with motherhood, postpartum, and being needed so completely
- Grieving the version of yourself who once felt energized, clear, healthy, ambitious, and deeply connected to her work
- Loving your children wholeheartedly while still struggling with the reality of your current season
- The tension between motherhood and meaningful work, especially when your work is a source of life force and purpose
- Why being financially supported, deeply loved, or well resourced does not make your pain less valid
- The loneliness of deconstruction, changing beliefs, and outgrowing relationships or communities that once felt like home
- Holding the grief of what is happening in your personal life alongside the weight of what is happening in the world
- Learning to hold joy and despair, beauty and heartbreak, gratitude and resentment, without forcing one to erase the other
- The small, brave actions that can move you toward the next version of your life
- Continuing to commit to the woman you are becoming, even when she still feels far away
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Join Emily and Kelsey Anderson for VeilFall, an intimate Samhain and Full Hunter’s Moon women’s retreat happening October 23–26, 2026, at Blue Star Retreat Center in Columbia Falls, Montana, near Glacier National Park.
Click below to explore the full retreat experience and register:
VeilFall
