What if the therapy that was supposed to help actually made things worse?
For many survivors of coercive control, couples therapy doesn't bring clarity, it deepens confusion, self-doubt, and shame.
In this episode, I'm joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Frances Russell to talk about why traditional couples therapy can be harmful when coercive control or domestic violence is present. We discuss what survivors should know, what therapists often miss, and why understanding patterns of power and control—not just isolated incidents—is essential.
Whether you're a survivor wondering why couples therapy didn't work or a mental health professional wanting to better recognize coercive control, this conversation offers practical insights and compassionate validation.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Why couples therapy can unintentionally reinforce coercive control.
- How neutrality can cause harm when abuse is present.
- The subtle signs therapists should be watching for.
- Why assessment for coercive control is an ongoing process—not a one-time intake questionnaire.
- The difference between incident-based and pattern-based thinking.
- What survivors can do if they're looking back and realizing therapy caused additional harm.
- Considerations for therapists when ending couples therapy due to safety concerns.
- What to know about therapy notes, confidentiality, and family court.
About Frances: Frances works as a therapist for both individuals and couples, and specializes in trauma recovery, helping people rebuild trust in themselves, others and life after experiences that have shattered it. She works with clients who want to process childhood abuse and neglect as well as others who come in to process recent, traumatic experiences between themselves and their partner. She primarily uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with couples and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with individuals.
In addition to being a therapist, Frances is a trauma-informed yoga instructor with Comeback Yoga, an organization that supports veterans and their families. Frances also teaches graduate students at Regis University and her courses include Crisis, Trauma and Loss and Human Growth and Development.
In her free time, Frances enjoys staying active and getting outdoors through running, backpacking and skiing. She is also always on the lookout for new restaurants and recipes.
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