One of the most common questions people bring to NVC: what if the other person refuses to use it? Since the word ‘refuses’ is a diagnosis, the more honest question might be: what do we do when the other person isn't meeting us where we'd hoped?
In this episode I explore that question through a story Marshall told about working with the Orang Asli, the first peoples of Peninsular Malaysia, whose language has no verb "to be." When Marshall asked how to translate the word "selfish," the translator described what you'd observe instead — and then asked: why would you want to tell someone they were selfish? The Orang Asli were, without knowing it, natural practitioners of NVC consciousness. Not the formula. The orientation.
I also look at the difference between high-intensity expression and violent communication, what Marshall meant by giraffe ears, and what it actually means for NVC to "work" when the other person walks away. This is the second installment in the yabuts series — the ongoing thread addressing real objections to Nonviolent Communication.
Referenced in this episode: Marshall Rosenberg — Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life The Orang Asli of Peninsular Malaysia NVCLife Episode 6 — The Notes Are Not the Music
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