Our Under Siege 1992 Review brings Born to Watch aboard the USS Missouri, where the catering is questionable, the security is worse, and the cook is apparently the ship's most dangerous bloke. Welcome to the movie review podcast where we don’t take the movies or ourselves too seriously.
This week, Whitey and Damo welcome back Will to revisit Steven Seagal's battleship blockbuster.
After previous encounters with Above the Law and Hard to Kill, the boys return to the Seagal catalogue with a rather uncomfortable possibility: this one might actually be good. Has Casey Ryback finally given them an action hero worth getting behind? Or does Under Siege work because Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey do enough heavy lifting to keep the whole battleship afloat?
The setup is beautifully ridiculous. A birthday celebration aboard a heavily armed warship turns into a hostile takeover when the entertainment arrives with something far nastier than a disappointing set list. Rogue operative William Strannix and disgruntled officer Commander Krill eye the ship's weapons. Unfortunately for them, the bloke making dinner has a résumé that extends well beyond fish stew.
Whitey brings serious history with this movie, remembering a cinema experience that delivered everything his teenage action appetite required. Will revisits a favourite from the family living room, while Damo discovers that some of the violence is considerably nastier than memory suggested. Together, they explore that familiar question: are we watching a genuinely entertaining action film, or just enjoying the warm glow of video shop nostalgia?
Tommy Lee Jones quickly becomes a major talking point. His ranting, swaggering Strannix dominates the conversation as the boys debate whether his performance is charismatic villainy, cartoon chaos, or a little of both. Gary Busey provides another generous helping of madness, including line readings that practically demand their own segment. When these two share the screen, subtlety has clearly been ordered to abandon ship.
Then there's Seagal himself. The boys examine a surprisingly sociable Casey Ryback, his kitchen banter, his deadpan jokes and the unusual experience of seeing him share the spotlight. Naturally, nobody escapes scrutiny for long. His facial expressions, action poses and approach to running all receive the kind of affectionate interrogation you would expect from a Born to Watch return visit.
Erika Eleniak's Jordan Tate also gets plenty of attention, from the unforgettable birthday cake entrance to her involvement in the increasingly chaotic rescue mission. Damo finds something to appreciate in her character's progression, while the conversation inevitably wanders into the teenage memories attached to one of the decade's most talked-about action movie moments. Yes, the cake gets its own extended discussion. Of course it does. Would you expect anything less here?
Question Time takes aim at a plan with more moving parts than the Missouri's engine room.
Who is paying the mercenaries?
Why does almost nobody know the cook's background?
How does a warship become this vulnerable to a party booking?
And why does the military response feel so restrained when the stakes are this enormous?
The boys have questions, and military competence is taking heavy fire.
Along the way, there's kitchen dancing, questionable bouillabaisse, suspiciously rare roast beef and a discussion about the irresistible power of Voodoo Child. The action invites comparisons to Die Hard, Rambo, and MacGyver, while The Good, the Bad and the Ugly separates the entertaining spectacle from the moments that collapse under even the gentlest examination.
Film School for F-Wits heads into Hollywood's spec-script boom, exploring Under Siege's original title, Dreadnought, and the era when original screenplays drew enormous bidding wars. Whitey follows that conversation with another original Kick Arse Credit Song, because apparently reviewing a battleship hijacking also requires a musical tribute to Miss July.
Expect nostalgia, ridiculous tangents, enthusiastic arguments and three blokes trying to survive some truly regrettable Vodka Cruisers. Under Siege gives them plenty to chew on, even if nobody is volunteering for another serving of that fish stew.
Listen now, follow Born to Watch, and share this episode with the mate who still insists Seagal belongs among the action greats.
Then tell us: is Under Siege his finest hour, or do the villains deserve the Captain's chair?
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