Episode 76 of the Unspoken Words podcast features Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum and Dr. Jenna Blum tackling one of the most misunderstood realities of Selective Mutism — the difficult behaviors that so often surface alongside it. Meltdowns, shutdowns, avoidance, and controlling moments leave many parents exhausted, and Dr. E and Dr. Jenna make the case that none of these behaviors are defiance. They are communication.
Dr. E and Dr. Jenna explore why so many children with SM hold it together at school and fall apart at home, and why structure, consistency, routine, and predictability are non-negotiable for any anxious child. Through real case examples — a six-year-old hiding under the table at her own birthday party, a teen retreating to his room when relatives visit, a young client frozen in front of a beloved family friend — they walk through the four types of difficult behaviors and what each is trying to say.
The middle of the episode turns to practical strategy: the Look-Listen-Learn framework, the roadmap method for preparing children before overwhelming events, and bridging down on the Social Communication Bridge® so kids build comfort before words. They also dig into the underlying contributors that drive dysregulation — sensory sensitivities, ADHD, hunger, fatigue, and the parent's own agenda.
The episode closes on the feelings chart — a deceptively simple tool that gives children numerical language for emotions they can't yet explain — and on the truth that parents are the most critical component in their child's progress. Dr. E previews a Part Two with more strategies for navigating the big feelings behind the silence.
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Chapters:
(04:06) When Silence Feels Big: Why Kids with SM Hold It Together at School and Fall Apart at Home
(10:55) Behavior Is a Signal, Not Defiance: Reframing Outbursts Through Look, Listen, Learn
(17:07) The Roadmap and the Bridge: How Preparation Prevents Avoidance and Shutdown
(29:44) On the Lookout: Using Cognition and Real-World Goals to Outsmart the Freeze Response
(38:00) The Feelings Chart: Giving Kids Words for What They Can't Yet Explain
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For all podcast inquiries, please contact Dakota Hornak at dhornak@selectivemutismcenter.org
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