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Just when you think you’ve made peace with your life, grief comes barreling back into the station. All aboard!
This weekend was a really good one. We had family in town, celebrated birthdays and baptisms, spent time with people we love, and watched all the cousins together.
And somewhere in the middle of all that joy, I realized I was struggling.
Watching kids around Roman and Stella’s ages run around, play together, and experience childhood in ways my kids can’t brought up a kind of grief I haven’t felt this intensely in a while. Add in the physical and mental exhaustion of getting two medically complex, fully dependent kids to multiple family events all weekend, and by Sunday night, I was completely spent—and sad.
In this mini episode, I’m talking about the weirdness of grief as a disability parent: how it can coexist with genuine happiness, how other people’s completely normal milestones can unexpectedly hurt, and how accepting your children’s diagnosis doesn’t mean you stop grieving what the disease has taken from them.
I also talk about the guilt that can come with those feelings—because I love my nieces, and cousin's children. I love watching them grow. I want every beautiful thing in the world for them.
And sometimes watching them do those beautiful, ordinary things still breaks my heart.
Both can be true.
So if grief has recently punched your ticket for a ride you absolutely did not ask to take, grab a seat.
Apparently we’re going for a ride.
CHOO CHOO. 🚂
Resources & Links for this episode:
