Every new school year brings change, uncertainty, and fresh challenges. For many children, those changes trigger anxiety long before the first bell rings. When worry shows up, most adults naturally try to make it disappear. They offer reassurance, lower expectations, or remove the source of distress. Those responses feel loving in the moment, yet they can quietly strengthen anxiety over time.
In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline explains why the anxious brain reacts so strongly to the return to school and why accommodation often keeps anxiety alive. You'll learn what happens inside the brain when uncertainty feels dangerous, why reassurance rarely builds confidence, and how small changes in adult responses can help children develop lasting coping skills.
Dr. Caroline introduces the VRI approach, and explains how to support children through emotional storms while maintaining calm, consistent boundaries. She also discusses extinction bursts, school avoidance, and practical ways to reduce accommodations without damaging connection or trust.
If you're preparing for the new school year and want to help children build confidence rather than dependence, this episode offers practical strategies you can start using today.
In this episode you'll learn:
• Why back to school is one of the biggest anxiety triggers for children
• How the amygdala and prefrontal cortex influence anxious behaviour
• Why reassurance and accommodation can unintentionally reinforce anxiety
• What extinction bursts are and why they happen
• How to use the VRI communication strategy during emotional moments
• Simple ways to encourage independence while supporting emotional regulation
Homework Ideas
Dr. Caroline leaves listeners with practical actions they can begin immediately.
1. Track Your Accommodations
Spend one week noticing every time you change your behaviour to reduce a child's anxiety or discomfort.
Examples include:
- answering repeated reassurance questions
- completing tasks they could do independently
- changing family routines to avoid distress
- allowing avoidance of feared situations
- stepping in too quickly to solve problems
2. Practise the VRI Strategy
Use VRI during anxious moments.
Validate
"I know this feels really hard."
Remind
Calmly restate the expectation and express confidence.
"I know you can handle this."
Ignore
Do not engage in anxiety-driven bargaining, arguing, or repeated reassurance after you've communicated your message.
3. Replace Reassurance
Notice how often you say, "You'll be fine."
Instead, practise saying, "I know this feels scary AND I know you can handle it."
4. Look for Independence Opportunities
Ask yourself, "What am I doing today that my child is capable of doing themselves?"
Build independence one small task at a time.
5. Hold One Boundary Consistently
Choose one accommodation to reduce and stay consistent. Expect anxiety to protest before it improves
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Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/
Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/
