In this episode, I talk with Noelle Mering, fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center and author of No Contact, about how "going no contact" shifted from a last-resort response to abuse into a normalized, even celebrated, way to handle political and ideological disagreement.
Noelle offers a striking analogy: a healthy immune system expels real threats, but what we're seeing now looks more like an autoimmune disorder, where people can no longer tell what is dangerous from what is merely difficult. We explore Bowen's concept of differentiation, why chosen family so often fails the people who rely on it, and why parents can feel like an existential threat to a trans-identified young adult. We also look at estrangement over voting and COVID, TikTok psychologists, and the despair hidden in the line, "I didn't choose to be born."
I share some of my own story with my mother, and we talk about gray rocking, boundaries that preserve a relationship rather than end it, and why the father in the prodigal son story is a model for parents facing estrangement today.
Books mentioned in this episode:
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Noelle Mering is a Fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center and the author of No Contact: How a Seductive Ideology Broke Families and Friendships, and How We Can Repair Them and Awake, Not Woke. She is also the co-author of the Theology of Home book series. Her work focuses on family, culture, and the forces shaping our relationships. She lives in Southern California with her husband and is the mother of six. Find her writing at: https://noellemering.substack.com/ and her work with the EPPC at https://eppc.org/author/noelle_mering/
[00:00:00] Start
[00:01:02] Why Noelle Wrote No Contact
[00:02:47] Justified No Contact and the Autoimmune Analogy
[00:06:07] How Ideology Equates Disagreement With Abuse
[00:10:45] Political Tribe vs. Family and Chosen Family
[00:17:03] Why Chosen Family Often Fails
[00:24:43] Why Parents Threaten a Trans Identity
[00:30:19] The Insatiable Nature of Gender Ideology
[00:33:58] Stephanie's Coaching Work and Ally Siblings
[00:38:35] Estrangement Over Voting and COVID
[00:44:36] Could My Team Be Wrong?
[00:52:19] TikTok Psychologists and Spiritual Despair
[00:56:11] Stephanie on Her Mother and No Contact Threats
[01:04:36] Gray Rocking a Limited Parent
[01:10:09] Triggers and the Empowerment Delusion
[01:15:59] Outrage, Narcissism, and the Accuser
[01:31:15] Remedies and the Prodigal Son's Father
[01:40:31] How Grace Changes Minds
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Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.
Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.
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