Darnell Walker is a death doula, children's television writer, and founder of the travel company Passport Required. In this episode, he joins Karena Dawn to talk about how a near-fatal blood clot diagnosis at 22 reshaped how he lives, why he believes you don't have to forgive someone to heal from what they did, the deathbed truth he's witnessed again and again about love and regret, and the 20-page worksheet he hands out to strangers to get people talking about death before the crisis hits.
What If Talking About Death Is the Key to Living Fully?
Darnell Walker shows that you don't need to wait for a diagnosis or a deathbed to start living with intention. Sometimes you just need to get honest about the conversations you've been avoiding.
(00:00) What Is a Death Doula? From Children's TV to End-of-Life Work
The real definition of a death doula, and why Darnell believes every doula brings their own gift to the work
How writing for Sesame Workshop and children's television led him to also sit with the dying
The childhood roots of his calling: helping someone die at 12, volunteering in hospice at 13, and holding grief circles in middle school
(04:04) Facing Mortality at 22: Living With a Death Sentence
The blood clot diagnosis at 22 that forced him to confront the question, "If I had a day to live, what would I do differently?"
Why living with the constant threat of death has shaped how he chooses to live now
His advice for anyone gripped by a fear of dying: find out where the fear actually comes from
Why you don't have to think about death "all day, every day" to honor the moments when it shows up
(07:01) Why Love Is the Only Thing We Never Forget
The pattern he's seen again and again at the bedside: people forget names and details, but never forget love
Why "home" at the end of life is almost never a place — it's a person
The questions people really wrestle with as they die: "Did I love properly?" and "Who loved me?"
His take on forgiveness: why he believes you can heal from what someone did to you without ever forgiving them
(16:50) Breaking the Silence: How Talking About Death Sets Us Free
Why society still doesn't talk about death enough and the family rifts that form when we don't
The heartbreaking reality of dying alone, even when family lives right up the street
Why he's been writing his own death plan since he was 18, long before he was ever faced with a diagnosis
Inside the 20-page worksheet on his website that asks the questions we usually wait too long to answer
Guest Resources
Visit Darnell's website
Follow Darnell on Instagram
Darnell's 'Death Worksheet'
Plan a secret adventure with Passport Required
Get Darnell’s book
If this episode moved you, please consider supporting The Big Silence Foundation and exploring our resources:
Connect with The Big Silence Community
Order: The Big Silence Memoir audiobook
Shop The Big Silence Self Love Collection
Subscribe on YouTube
Donate to The Big Silence Foundation
The Big Silence Resource Guide
Find exclusive offers from our supporters
Show Resources:
VISIT THE CHALLENGE PAGE
THE BIG SILENCE PODCAST
TONE IT DOWN PODCAST
Tone It Up App
Tone It Up YouTube
Tone It Up Instagram
Have a message for Karena? She'd love to hear from you and share your comment or question on air!
Leave Karena a voicemail: https://www.speakpipe.com/KarenaDawn
