Dr. Carole Keim welcomes Jen Lumanlan, host of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast and author of Parenting Beyond Power, to The Baby Manual for a thoughtful conversation about respectful parenting and why parents can begin building a connected relationship with their child from the newborn period. Jen shares how her own parenting journey led her to study child development and education, and explains how RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers), an approach often associated with respectful parenting, helped her begin seeing babies as active participants in everyday caregiving rather than simply recipients of care.
Together, Dr. Keim and Jen explore the difference between respectful or gentle parenting and permissive parenting, why both children’s and parents’ needs matter, and how everyday moments like diaper changes, feeding, crying, play, and bedtime can become opportunities for connection. They also discuss co-regulation, boundaries, natural consequences, scaffolding, parental triggers, and the importance of recognizing the needs underneath a child’s behavior. For expecting and new parents, this episode offers an encouraging framework for understanding their baby’s needs, recognizing their own needs, and building connection through everyday interactions from the very beginning.
Key Moments
- 00:00 Welcome and why parenting begins in the newborn period
- 03:01 Gentle parenting vs. permissive parenting
- 05:04 Seeing your baby as a whole person
- 07:41 Turning everyday caregiving into connection
- 09:49 Why babies don’t need to be happy or entertained all the time
- 10:51 Baby crying and understanding parents’ emotional triggers
- 13:23 Looking beneath challenging behavior to find the underlying need
- 16:10 Babies are always changing: sleep, soothing, and development
- 18:16 Why parenting was never meant to happen without a village
- 21:46 Understanding needs, natural consequences, boundaries, and limits
- 24:14 Preparing your parenting partnership before baby arrives
- 27:23 Co-regulation and how babies “borrow” a parent’s calm
- 30:27 Letting go of pressure around toys and child development
- 34:28 Scaffolding skills and knowing when your child needs extra help
About Jen Lumanlan:
Jen Lumanlan brings a unique combination of deep research expertise and genuine understanding of what parents face every day.
With undergraduate degrees from UC Berkeley, a Master's from Yale, and later Master's degrees in both Psychology (Child Development) and Education, Jen doesn't just read the research - she understands how to translate it into approaches that actually work in real families.
Jen has reviewed more than 10,000 academic papers on parenting and child development for 250+ episodes of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, and has interviewed the Who's Who in related fields.
Jen also knows that research alone isn't enough. That's why she's also a CoActive Coach and is trained in the Gottman Method. This means she listens in ways that help you discover what works for your unique family rather than imposing one-size-fits-all solutions.
Jen's background in corporate environmental strategy - as well as her late-diagnosed Autism - helps her to see patterns and connections that others often miss. She helps families to see patterns of behavior that indicate underlying needs, so you can navigate parenting challenges while staying true to your values.
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Resources from Jen Lumanlan:
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Contact Dr. Carole Keim MD
Contact Jen Lumanlan
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