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Nobody walks down the aisle with a divorce budget. But when a marriage ends, it can become the most expensive financial decision of your life. The women who come out the other side strongest are the ones who prepared before anyone said the word out loud. Let's talk about the money side of a high-conflict divorce and what preparing for this decision should look like.
In this episode, we have Paulette Rigo, CEO of Better Divorce Academy, private ADR mediator, certified high conflict divorce coach, sought after speaker, host of The Better Divorce Podcast, and author of the number one best selling Better Divorce Blueprint. Paulette lived through an eight and a half year fully litigated divorce, including a twelve day trial and four more years of appeals, and turned it into a mission to help couples avoid court and help women protect themselves when they can't. We talk about what high conflict really means, what divorce actually costs, the four money categories you need to know cold, and what financial freedom looks like after it all.
What is a high conflict divorce? Paulette explains that high conflict comes down to a lack of compliance and a lack of sharing. She calls it the three E's: lack of empathy, entitlement, and exploitation. When one or both spouses refuse to share information, ignore deadlines, or want everything for themselves, the process gets forced through the courts step by step, and it gets long and expensive.
How much does a divorce really cost? More than most people realize. Paulette shares that billable hours are charged in six to eight minute increments, the national average attorney rate is about $500 an hour, and an average of 10 billable hours a month per side means about $5,000 a month for each spouse. A litigated divorce typically takes 18 to 24 months. Private mediation can save couples an average of $40,000 to $70,000 in unnecessary legal fees.
How can women protect themselves financially in a high conflict divorce? Work with an expert, and know your numbers. Paulette says there are four categories in divorce: income, assets, budget, and debt. If you can fill out all four completely, with the logins, passwords, and balances, you avoid paying attorneys to fight over discovery. She also recommends documenting everything, because evidence like texts, emails, and call logs matters.
How do you prepare for divorce before telling your spouse? Start early and get organized. Paulette shares that 73% of divorces are initiated by women, and women spend about two years contemplating divorce before acting. She uses that time to help women get researched, organized, and prepared, interview attorneys, and build a plan, so they make decisions from a calm place instead of fear.
What can you do when your spouse refuses to cooperate? Understand the process and accept who they are. Paulette walks through the five methods of divorce and the four things courts actually care about: custody, child support, division of assets and debt, and spousal support. She teaches clients how to communicate with a high conflict person so they don't add fuel to the fire, and how to prepare for the storm before it hits.
How do you protect yourself in a second marriage? Full transparency. Paulette and her husband share access to their phones and financials, talk openly about premarital, non-marital, and marital assets, and worked through books together before marrying. Her advice: have the hard talks.
We would love to hear what you thought of this episode, any questions it sparked, what resonated most, or any topics you would love us to cover next. Click here to send us a message!
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