In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed explores Brené Brown's distinction between fitting in and belonging and how it may help parents understand one of the most painful disconnects in family estrangement. What if the closeness you remember with your adult child was real and your child was also adapting in ways you could not see?
Kreed examines how adaptation can be mistaken for closeness, why sibling comparison tells us very little about an individual child's experience, and why adult children sometimes appear to change after therapy, marriage, parenthood, or exposure to a different family culture. For some adult children, what parents experience as distance may be the beginning of the child's effort to develop a stronger sense of self.
The episode also explores why renewed contact does not automatically create belonging. During reconciliation, an adult child may still be determining whether they can remain connected without returning to the role they once occupied in the family. For parents, this creates a deeper question than whether their child has returned: Can the relationship make room for the person their child has become?
Finally, Kreed turns the question of belonging toward mothers themselves. Many mothers learned to preserve relationships through sacrifice, accommodation, and self-abandonment. Understanding the difference between fitting in and belonging may require parents to examine not only the emotional culture they created for their children, but whether they have ever truly experienced belonging to themselves.
Take Aways
Adaptation can look remarkably similar to closeness.
Belonging becomes visible when a child stops fitting the familiar role.
Reconciliation asks whether both parent and adult child can belong to themselves while remaining connected.
Disclaimer: Kreed Revere is not a licensed therapist. Nothing in this podcast should be considered or taken as therapy. If you need therapeutic support, please seek out a therapist near you.
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