Divorce Cyberstalking: What to Do If You Think Your Ex Is Watching You Online
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Cyberstalking during divorce can make you feel unsafe, paranoid, unsteady, and completely overwhelmed.
But here’s the thing: sometimes what feels “crazy” is actually a real digital safety issue.
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and Morgan L. Stogsdill are joined by Steven Bradley, a former FBI task force leader, cybersecurity expert, domestic violence specialist, and cyberstalking educator, to talk about what to do if you think your ex is watching, tracking, monitoring, or digitally harassing you during divorce.
And yes — this episode is scary.
But more importantly, it is actionable.
Steven explains that cyberstalking is often easier than people realize because many exes already know your passwords, security question answers, shared devices, family routines, Wi-Fi setup, smart home devices, and personal information. Cyberstalking is not always some dramatic hacker-in-a-hoodie situation. Sometimes it is access to your Amazon Alexa, Ring doorbell, Nest thermostat, pet camera, cloud account, location sharing, shared passwords, or old devices.
In other words: your ex may not need to “hack” you if they already have access.
Terrifying? Yes.
Useful to know? Also yes.
In this episode, we cover:
- How cyberstalking can show up during divorce
- Why many people dismiss early warning signs as “coincidences”
- How smart home devices can be used to monitor or harass someone
- Why shared passwords and security questions are a major risk
- What to do if you think your ex has access to your phone, email, cloud, or devices
- Why you should not delete suspicious messages or evidence
- How to create a timeline of cyberstalking concerns
- When to tell your divorce attorney
- Why co-parenting apps can help protect communication
- How VPNs, multi-factor authentication, and anti-malware tools can help
- Why public Wi-Fi can be risky
- What parents should know about children’s apps, gaming, and Discord
- Why taking action can lower paranoia and help you feel safer
First signs of cyberstalking during divorce
Cyberstalking can start small.
You may notice:
- strange text messages
- anonymous calls or emails
- your ex showing up where you are
- smart home devices acting strangely
- lights, thermostats, or cameras changing unexpectedly
- unfamiliar apps on your phone
- login alerts
- odd account activity
- someone seeming to know things they should not know
Steven explains that many offenders start with small behaviors and escalate when they feel they can get away with it. That is why it is important not to dismiss everything as coincidence, especially during a high-conflict divorce or custody battle.
What to do if you think you are being cyberstalked
Steven’s first action step is simple:
Do not delete anything.
Preserve texts, emails, screenshots, suspicious messages, device alerts, app changes, login warnings, and anything that feels off. Create a timeline. Write down what happened, when it happened, where you were, and what evidence you have.
Digital evidence can be time-sensitive, and some data may disappear or overwrite itself. The sooner you document, the better.
Tell your divorce attorney early
If you believe you may be dealing with cyberstalking, do not wait until it becomes unbearable.
Tell your attorney.
Morgan explains that divorce lawyers may need outside experts to help connect the dots, preserve evidence, and explain what is happening in a way the court can understand. Cyberstalking can be technical, and many attorneys and judges are not cybersecurity experts.
This is not about panicking.
It is about protecting yourself, documenting what is happening, and getting the right people involved early.
Secure your digital life
Steven recommends assuming your passwords may be compromised and taking steps to secure your digital life.
That may include:
- changing passwords
- changing security questions
- turning on multi-factor authentication
- reviewing location sharing
- checking Life360, Find My, Snap Maps, and similar apps
- auditing old accounts
- closing accounts you no longer use
- using anti-malware tools on phones and computers
- avoiding public Wi-Fi when possible
- using a reputable VPN
- checking shared smart home devices
- reviewing cloud access
- removing your ex from shared accounts and devices
And yes, this includes the things people forget about: Alexa, pet cameras, thermostats, doorbells, old apps, children’s devices, shared family accounts, and even old platforms you forgot existed.
Friendster, we are looking at you.
Why co-parenting apps matter
If communication with your ex feels unsafe, chaotic, manipulative, or digitally risky, this may be a time to talk to your attorney about using a court-monitored co-parenting app.
In this episode, Steven and Morgan discuss how a co-parenting app like Our Family Wizard can help keep communication contained, documented, and harder to manipulate.
If you are concerned about cyberstalking or digital harassment, talk to your attorney about whether requesting a co-parenting app makes sense in your case.
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The biggest takeaway
Technology is not the problem.
Stalking, control, and harassment have existed forever. Technology just makes it easier.
The goal is not to become paranoid. The goal is to become aware, document what is happening, and take action early.
As Andrea says in this episode, doing nothing is often the part that makes you feel crazier. Taking action — documenting, telling your attorney, changing passwords, securing accounts, using a co-parenting app, and asking for help — can help you feel safer and more grounded.
If something feels off, do not ignore it.
Document it.
Tell your attorney.
Secure your devices.
Get help early.
You’ve got this.
And we’ve got you.
Connect with Steven Bradley
Steven Bradley is a former FBI task force leader, cybersecurity expert, domestic violence specialist, and cyberstalking educator.
sbradley@ourfamilywizard.com
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