Ashley and I talk about embracing your inner cringe, ways to calm down your nervous system, structures for great social interactions, how to ask good questions, and a philosophy for having fun.
Ashley is the founder of Skip The Small Talk, a research-informed curated social experience with regular events across 8 major cities in the U.S. helping thousands of people connect over deep conversations.
Notes
1:00
Vagus Nerve
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagus_nerve
3:00
Taking work off your hands and weighted blankets
5:00
SNS: Sympathetic Nervous System ("fight or flight")
PNS: Parasympathetic Nervous System ("rest and digest")
5:20
Societal structures for making sure you get enough exercise, vegetables, and mindfulness. Communities that meet once a week to cleverly bundle social interaction with getting your basic needs met.
9:50
Systems we can put into place to reduce isolation
10:30
Commentary about cults and cringe. Expanding Skip The Small Talk to more cities, and how to increase accessibility.
12:07
How do we embrace our inner cringe? Earnestness and reducing your self-consciousness.
14:17
Winning at Arguments by Enlarging your PNS
https://malcolmocean.com/2013/02/astrology-againstness-video/
14:55
When do communities cross the line from supportive to oppressive? Exclusion and accessibility. Having options for different needs, and traditional communities evolving to make more room for individuality.
20:30
How to use exclusion to curate experiences? Working with people you disagree with, evaluating on a case by case basis vs. sticking to your values.
27:13
Cold showers and wireheading
27:33
tVNS: Transcutaneous Vagus Nerve Stimulation device
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagus_nerve_stimulation
https://zenofsleep.com/products/copy-of-ces-max-ces-device-for-insomnia-anxiety-alpha-wave-stim-therapy
https://www.parasym.co/
30:17
What was Ashley's most embarrassing failure?
34:03
Prompt cards, 36 questions to fall in love
http://36questionsinlove.com/
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
35:04
What do people consider to be a personal question?
37:03
How does Ashley ask good questions? I sharing vs. I statements vs. I message
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518769435
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-message
40:22
How does Bill ask good questions? Information gain ratio and 20 questions
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twenty_questions
43:22
Twisting boring questions in fun way. Good answers do a favour to your conversation partner vs. not wanting to "take up space" in the conversation.
46:08
Are you satisfied with your friendships?
47:54
What is fun? Recess for adults.
Boston Globe article about how Skip The Small Talk started
https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/06/29/lifestyle/feeling-weird-about-socializing-skip-small-talk-wants-help/
Research study on Skip The Small Talk
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8462490/
Check out Skip The Small Talk at: https://www.skipthesmalltalk.com
Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email
Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts
