Starting Over in the Sapphic World

This week on Coming Out & Beyond it is the three of us again: Anne-Marie, dating and relationship guide Barb Rowlandson, and Anne-Marie's wife and resident realist, Tonda McKay. Twice a month we set the dating talk to the side and answer the questions that come in from all of you. This time they gathered around one tender thing, which is how you actually step into queer community when you are starting at the very beginning.

The women who wrote in were standing at the door and could not quite walk through it. One had not dated in decades and no longer recognized her own body. One kept hearing the voice that said no one wants a woman who looks like me. One had driven past the building twice without ever going inside. If any of that feels familiar, you are in good company here.

We talk about starting with friendship rather than rushing toward a girlfriend, about finding the rooms that already bring you joy, about volunteering and pickleball and Sapphic dances where you can happily lose yourself in the crowd. Barb speaks to the freeze response that shows up when belonging has never felt safe, and why the fear is real and still worth walking through. And because it would not be us without a little mischief, Tonda and Anne-Marie tell the story of the photograph that finally moved things past the flirting stage, ten years ago now.

The heart of it is this. You do not need an instruction manual, and there is no wrong way to begin. If you are here, you have already started.

If you have a question you would like us to talk through on the show, you can reach Anne-Marie at annemariezanzal.com or send Barb or Anne-Marie a message on social. And if you are longing for real community as the days grow shorter, This Authentic Life, our group program that runs for sixteen weeks, begins in early October. It is our last cohort of 2026, and there is a place in it for you: https://annemariezanzal.com/this-authentic-life-community-course/

🌈 Send in your questions. Email to support@annemariezanzal.com, or message Barb or Anne-Marie on social, and they will answer on the show.