In covert narcissism, even the “good” behavior is part of the manipulation. You thought you married Cliff Huxtable, only to find out you married Bill Cosby. If that line lands in your stomach, this episode is for you.
So many survivors say, “He’s being good right now,” or “She’s in a good place this week.” But what if those sweet seasons aren’t breaks from the manipulation at all? What if they’re the most effective part of it? Renee introduces a new concept, counterfeit kindness: kindness that looks real, feels real and passes inspection, but has nothing behind it when you need to rely on it.
You’ll learn what counterfeit kindness buys a covert narcissist (your attention, love, supply, willingness and trust), why it causes more harm than the obviously bad behavior, and how the cycle of hope and hurt deepens trauma bonding. Renee also shares her own moment of asking, “Is he a good person having a bad month, or a bad person having a good day?” and reads a passage from her new book, This Is Not Okay, about how survivors end up holding the mask in place.
You’ll leave with four questions to tell real kindness from counterfeit kindness, plus a simple tool for your narcissistic abuse recovery: giving the character a name, so you can stay clear-headed when the performance starts.
If you understand the patterns but still feel stuck in the cycle, coaching can help you take the next step. Learn more about Renee’s coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com.
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Renee’s book, This Is Not Okay: Escaping the Invisible Grip of Covert Narcissistic Abuse, releases October 20. Join the mailing list at www.covertnarcissism.com to hear the moment it’s out.
The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experience as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support any allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of this material and information provided.
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