“I’m only as insecure as the parts of myself I leave in the shadows.” - Marisa G. Franco, PhD
Welcome to A Mind of Her Own! I’m Jennifer Reid, MD, a psychiatrist and the author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations. Today I’m joined by Dr. Marisa G Franco, psychologist, professor at the University of Maryland and author of the New York Times bestselling book, Platonic. Her latest book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, arrives September 15th, 2026.
Key Ideas
1. Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem.
Self-worth means treating your internal world, especially your feelings, as if it matters. It has two parts: sensitivity (noticing how you feel) and responsiveness (doing something about it).
2. Two Kinds of “High Self-Esteem”.
Research shows people who report high self-esteem split into two very different groups: one is defensive, hostile, and takes feelings out on others; the other is compassionate, accountable, and has smooth relationships. The difference isn’t whether they feel insecure; it’s whether they can acknowledge it.
3. “Secure-ish,” not Secure.
Franco pushes back on treating “secure attachment” as a fixed, all-or-nothing identity to perform. True security is being honest about when you’re anxious, avoidant, or want to withdraw, not hiding those parts.
4. Memories are the Database of Self-Esteem.
Because memories don’t just record the past but predict the future, people with a history of neglect or harm may unconsciously expect rejection, so they resist fully internalizing love or praise, since believing in it now would make the eventual “fall” feel worse.
“Tenderly tell the truth of your insecurities first to yourself and then to those who love you.”
—Marisa G. Franco, PhD
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Dr. Jennifer Reid is a physician, the host of A Mind of Her Own, and the author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations — available at major retailers.
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