A conversation about Teshuvah through the dual lens of clinical attachment theory and Torah sources. We explore why perfect attunement in any relationship is a myth, and how the rupture and repair cycle of Teshuvah is actually what deepens our connections, rather than threatening it. Rus Devorah walks through how our early attachment styles get unconsciously projected onto our relationship with God, and offers concrete practices for moving toward a more secure, honest connection with Hashem during this season of return.
Rus Devorah Wallen is the founder and owner of Torah Therapeutics. She is an accomplished musician, performer, social worker, psychotherapist, administrative consultant, lecturer, and community leader whose work bridges psychology and Torah wisdom. Find out more at toratherapeutics.com.
Article referenced in this episode: https://substack.com/@toratherapeutics/p-212834537
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00:00 ---- "Back to the future," not back to who you were
00:00:18 ---- Host intro
00:01:33 ---- Rupture, Repair, and the God We Think We Know
00:02:42 ---- The myth of perfect attunement
00:04:46 ---- Why rupture & repair creates a more stabilized relationship
00:05:07 ---- Attachment
00:07:55 ---- Projecting childhood attachment templates onto God
00:09:44 ---- Is it trauma,or is it truth?
00:10:49 ---- The HALTS acronym
00:13:12 ---- "The prisoner can't free himself from his own cell"
00:15:20 ---- Mapping secure / anxious / avoidant attachment onto our relationship with God
00:15:50 ---- What secure attachment looks like relationally
00:19:30 ---- Bringing the secure-attachment framework into relationship with Hashem
00:20:19 ---- Avoidant attachment with God
00:23:09 ---- Moving from an unhealthy attachment pattern toward a more secure connection with God
00:24:23 ---- Step one: learning to love yourself unconditionally
00:25:26 ---- The shofar's sounds (tekiah, shevarim, teruah) as a metaphor for inner emotional release
00:27:12 ---- "Back to the future" — becoming fuller, not returning to a former self
00:30:35 ---- Teshuvah as "a descent for the sake of an ascent"
00:34:12 ---- The difference between reunion and real repair — Rambam's stages of teshuvah
00:41:31 --- Controlled stress as models for growth
00:42:44 ---- Starting with the smallest possible action
00:43:48 ---- Practical example: rebuilding belief in God one tiny step at a time
00:45:22 ---- Finding an outside perspective to guide the process
00:45:48 ---- Secure attachment with God makes room for doubt
00:47:00 ---- Coming to God honestly, without whitewashing pain
00:48:31 ---- Needing secure human relationships first
00:52:13 ---- Reconciling a loving, all-seeing God with the felt experience of suffering
00:52:59 ---- Her stroke story; trusting there was a purpose in crisis
00:55:26 ---- Teshuvah creates something new, not a return to a childhood faith
00:56:52 ---- Holding childlike wonder within an adult relationship with God
00:58:23 ---- Using imagination and visualization to access sweetness
01:00:20 ---- What if your childhood has no sweet memories to draw from?
01:03:26 ---- Building everyday resilience through imaginal rehearsal
01:04:16 ---- Bringing our full, imperfect selves to God
01:06:40 ---- Avinu Malkeinu: God as both King and Father
01:07:25 ---- Closing question
01:08:01 ---- Host's outro
