In this episode, I speak with Sharon Martin, LCSW, about her clinical work with adults navigating family estrangement and the complex process of deciding whether to limit or cut off contact with parents. Sharon, a psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience, specializes in working with adult children of alcoholics and individuals from dysfunctional family systems. Her work focuses on helping clients process the long term effects of developmental trauma and build healthier, more authentic lives. Sharon explains that many individuals seeking therapy may initially present with concerns such as anxiety, depression, or relationship difficulties, only to discover underlying patterns rooted in early family dynamics. These experiences often include chronic shame, hypervigilance, perfectionism, and a reliance on external validation, factors that can make navigating family relationships particularly challenging in adulthood. A central focus of the conversation is the decision-making process around estrangement. Sharon emphasizes that, contrary to common portrayals, estrangement is rarely a single, definitive event. Instead, it often involves cycles of limited contact, attempts at repair, and periods of withdrawal, as individuals grapple with both the desire for connection and the need for self protection. She highlights the emotional complexity of this process and the importance of allowing clients to determine what level of contact feels appropriate for them. We also discuss the role of boundaries, including how individuals can begin to define what constitutes a healthy relationship, often for the first time. Sharon discusses the importance of recognizing and naming harmful or abusive patterns, while also addressing the internalized beliefs that can make it difficult for individuals to prioritize their own needs. Building self trust, self worth, and a clearer sense of identity are key components of this work. The conversation further examines broader systemic and cultural influences, including family expectations, caregiving roles, financial dependence, and cultural norms around filial responsibility. Sharon acknowledges the additional layers of guilt and pressure that can arise in collectivist contexts or when aging parents require care, and she encourages a more flexible, individualized approach to navigating these responsibilities. Sharon also shares insights from her book, Cutting Ties with Your Parents, which is designed to support individuals who are considering or have already made the decision to distance themselves from their families. The book outlines a three part process: making peace with the decision, healing from both developmental trauma and estrangement related wounds, and moving forward by cultivating healthy relationships and a more authentic sense of self. Finally, we discuss important considerations for clinicians working with this population. Sharon highlights the lack of formal training in this area and underscores the importance of therapists examining their own biases, particularly the tendency to prioritize reconciliation. She emphasizes the need to support client autonomy, respect the pace of the decision making process, and create a space that is validating rather than prescriptive.
Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist, writer, and speaker with over 25 years of clinical experience. She specializes in working with adult children of alcoholics and individuals from dysfunctional family systems, helping them heal from developmental trauma and build healthier relationships. Sharon is the author of Cutting Ties with Your Parents, a therapeutic guide designed to support adults navigating family estrangement. Her work integrates a range of approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy, family systems theory, and trauma informed care, with an emphasis on self compassion and empowerment.
