My guest today is Paul Eastwick, a social psychologist and professor at the University of California, Davis, whose research focuses on attraction, romantic relationships, and the gap between what we think we want and what actually unfolds in real life. His latest book, Bonded by Evolution, challenges a lot of common assumptions about dating and compatibility.
In this episode, we explore:
Why many of our inherited “rules” about attraction—like mate value, having a type, or alpha/beta dynamics—don’t hold up in real life
How attraction is far more dynamic and often grows over time rather than appearing instantly
The gap between what people say they want in a partner and who they actually choose
How context (social environments, timing, even a first kiss) plays a powerful role in shaping connection
What dating apps get wrong—and why real-life networks and shared spaces matter more than we think
How loosening rigid expectations allows attraction and relationships to unfold more naturally
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