[Beardo is echo-ey for the first quarter of this episode - calm your tits]

Jim went to Brutal Assault. Beardo went to Beyond the Gates. Neither of them wants to talk about the bands.

Instead: 5G across a fortress for five days, toilets with a traffic-light system, a wristband that means you never queue for a pint, and a round that came to £3.91. Then the harder question — why the UK can't do any of it, and who actually owns that problem.

Also: the £10 band you've never heard of, why every town needs a Big Gary, and a Swedish man with a bag of maggots.

No guest this week. Just a stock-take.

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