In this episode of Pearls of Wisdom, I explore the ideas we can practise in our relationships:
It's not personal.
When someone cancels plans, is late, doesn’t answer our message, is rude in traffic, gives us criticism, or doesn’t listen when we want to be heard.
We can immediately turn another person's behaviour into a story about ourselves
"They don't care about me."
"I'm not important."
"They don't respect me."
"I'm not good enough."
But another person's behaviour is much more about their own conditioning, circumstances, emotions and patterns than it is about us
This doesn't mean ignoring behaviour, avoiding difficult conversations or refusing to listen to what people want to share.
Sometimes there is something valuable for us to learn. We can listen, take responsibility for what is ours, communicate what we need and make different choices, without turning someone else's behaviour into a judgement about our worth.
I also explore how being triggered can touch old wounds from childhood: the feeling of not being seen, heard, valued or important. When that happens, the event can become evidence for an old story.
It is important to ‘press pause’ and become curious:
What has this touched in me?
What story am I telling myself?
Is there something here for me to learn?
Do I need to communicate something?
Or am I simply making someone else's behaviour mean something about me?
Not taking things personally doesn't mean becoming uncaring.
It means becoming free.
Free to listen.
Free to communicate.
Free to set boundaries.
And ultimately, free from allowing other people's behaviour to control our inner world.
