This is a conversation about confidence like you've never heard before.
In this episode of The Balance Theory, Erika sits down with Alexis Fernandez, a leading performance coach, speaker, and author whose work sits at the intersection of neuroscience, mindset, and high performance. She also is the host of the Do You F*cking Mind podcast. Today they unpack what real self assurance actually looks like once you take away the job title, other people's expectations and how you look.
This is not a pep talk about ignoring everyone and doing whatever you want. It is an honest conversation about where the line sits between healthy care and living through someone else's eyes, and what it takes to move it.
If you have ever caught yourself thinking:
"I know they will be disappointed if I do this."
"Why do I feel like I have to prove I am a good person?"
"I care more about what they think of me than what I think of me."
"Who am I if I take away my job and what I have achieved?"
"I want to feel like myself again."
Then this episode is for you. In this conversation, Erika and Alexis cover:
- The red flags that your sense of self is not as grounded as you think
- How to know who you are without your job, your achievements or your relationships
- Why becoming more confident often means letting the people you love down and how to do it kindly
- The difference between healthy love and love that only shows up when you meet expectations
- How to build confidence that does not depend on how you look or what people say
- Whether you can accept yourself and still want to change how you look
- How to hold onto the version of you that you became when life changes around you
- Why rock bottom is often where the biggest changes start
- What social media and scrolling are doing to your focus and memory, and how to reverse it
- How to stay ambitious when your capacity changes, including motherhood and burnout
- What actually happens to the brain in pregnancy and postpartum
You do not need anyone's permission to become who you already are.
Filmed at Pivotal Conversations Studios
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SPONSORS
Thank you to the sponsors who made today's episode possible:
🏠 TUMBLE - Machine Washable Rugs, Made Better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping tumbleliving.com/BALANCE #Tumble #ad
🍳 CARAWAY - I've loved using Caraway for 2+ years! Visit Carawayhome.com/BALANCE or use code 'BALANCE' at checkout to take an additional 10% off your next purchase.
CONNECT
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TIME STAMPS
(00:00) Introduction(02:41) Why Alexis studied neuroscience(06:06) How the DYFM podcast format came to be(07:59) Tough love vs tearing yourself down(11:00) Why people at rock bottom make the biggest changes(17:57) Alexis's worst year and the one way ticket to Paris(21:48) Holding onto who you became when you move home(25:10) The red flags your sense of self is not grounded(28:56) Knowing who you are without your job title(32:46) Why becoming yourself means letting people down(38:53) Can you accept yourself and still change how you look?(46:42) How Alexis feels about ageing(51:45) Motherhood, fertility and finding out about twins(59:28) Has motherhood changed her ambition?(1:01:41) When your capacity changes but your ambition does not(1:08:38) What happens to the brain in pregnancy and postpartum(1:12:21) What social media is doing to your focus(1:17:45) Is the doomscrolling brain reversible?(1:21:11) Kids, screens and self regulation(1:26:43) Would Alexis ever use an AI version of herself?(1:30:44) Can content creators ever be fully present?
WHO AM I?
I’m Erika, an Australian living in Dubai, a mum and the creator and host of this podcast. After almost a decade in law, I’ve stepped into a new chapter centred on what I love - helping people understand themselves, grow and build lives that feel aligned. As someone with big ambitions, I’m passionate about pursuing what matters and to do so, we need to create our own lives intentionally. This channel is a space for honest conversations, curiosity and practical tools to support that journey. Welcome - I’m glad you’re here.
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