This week I got a chance to catch up with my good friend Brendan Mahan and talk with him about his upcoming book, Overcoming the Wall of Awful. Brendan is one of the first people I got to know in the ADHD space and I feel lucky to have done so because for one he's just an awesome guy, but also because his approach to ADHD has always just felt so real and coming from a place of lived experience. Brendan is the host of the ADHD Essentials Podcast, a board member of the Men's ADHD Support Group and the Director of Professional Resources for Calmer Con: Boston - and also one of the few people I know who gets me to sit down and listen because it's always worth hearing what he has to say.
Today on the show we're going to be talking about a book that Brendan spent a decade being asked to write. After finding his co-writer, Alex Hughes Capell, Brendan brought us the book we've been waiting for. So for those of you who are unfamiliar, the Wall of Awful is a concept that Brendan developed to explain the metaphorical emotional barrier that builds up over time and makes starting basic, everyday tasks feel nearly impossible. Or, in simpler terms, the barrier that keeps us from starting what often feels like a simple task, such as doing the dishes or starting our homework.
In our conversation, we discuss the ways that we build up these walls and also ways that we can work on getting past these walls (and what doesn't work). We also dive into the distinction between burnout and the wall and get into the nitty-gritty of the Wall of Awful.
If you'd like to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/308
Worth restating here, the Wall of Awful is a metaphorical emotional barrier that builds up over time and makes starting basic, everyday tasks feel nearly impossible. And it's important to acknowledge that we can build this wall from both real and perceived failure.
While smashing through our walls by activating through anger or anxiety often works, it's not always enough to get us completely through the wall. So while it may get us started it doesn't always get us to the finish line. As well, smashing often comes with a cost in terms of relationships, both to ourselves and to others who are hurt in the process of smashing through the wall.
It's important that we're able to distinguish our walls from preferences and boundaries. While our walls are built out of the emotional response to failure, preferences aren't built out of failure. It may be something we don't like doing but we can get past it without reaching for our wall tools. And boundaries are choices that we make not out of our sense of failure but instead our sense of who we are.
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