The Hidden Abuse and Trauma of Growing Up Gay with Ray Aubel

Ray Aubel is a hypnotherapist, positivity coach, and founder of Intuitive Mind Hypnosis whose work focuses on helping people break free from anxiety, self-doubt, and deeply ingrained subconscious patterns. Through hypnosis and coaching, Ray helps clients understand how early experiences, shame, and social conditioning can shape the way they see themselves, relate to others, and move through the world.

In this conversation, Ray and Dr. Joe Kort explore how hypnosis can be used to quiet the conscious mind and work directly with the subconscious. Ray explains how patterns such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, hypervigilance, and self-sabotage often develop as protective responses, especially for gay men who grew up feeling unsafe, unseen, or disconnected from their authentic selves. He shares how hypnosis can help people interrupt old patterns, build new pathways, and reconnect with a deeper sense of calm and self-trust.

They also discuss the hidden emotional impact of growing up gay in a culture that often sexualizes, shames, or ignores LGBTQ+ identity. Dr. Kort introduces the concept of covert cultural sexual abuse, and Ray shares why this framework deeply resonates with the experiences he sees in his clients. Together, they explore how carrying a sexual secret, hiding parts of the self, and living in fear of rejection can create lasting anxiety, shame, and relationship struggles.

The conversation also challenges common misconceptions about hypnosis. Ray explains that clinical hypnosis is not about losing control or being manipulated, but about entering a relaxed state where deeper healing and repatterning can take place. He describes his six-session process, including pattern interruption, age regression, releasing old emotional baggage, and building confidence, self-acceptance, and a more positive vision for the future.

Listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love episode as Dr. Joe Kort talks with Ray Aubel about the hidden abuse and trauma of growing up gay, how subconscious patterns shape identity and relationships, and how hypnosis can help people feel safe enough to become who they already are.

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