In this replay episode, Monique speaks with therapist and author Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and a compassionate way to work with the wounded parts of ourselves. Jenna explains why healing often starts by moving toward what we usually want to avoid, and how that shift can reduce shame, increase self-understanding, and create real internal change.They also discuss the difference between burdened parts and core self, how protective “wall” parts operate, and why healthy boundaries come from self rather than reactivity. Jenna shares a simple three-step practice called move toward: notice, know, and need.
Jenna explains how IFS views people as fundamentally good, with a core self that remains intact even after trauma
The conversation centers on the idea that parts of us are not bad, but burdened by traumatic experiences and stuck in protective roles
Monique and Jenna discuss how shame, rage, numbness, addiction, and dissociation can all be understood as parts trying to help
Jenna uses the sun and clouds metaphor to explain why core self can feel inaccessible when protective parts take over
A practical framework is introduced: move toward, which includes three steps - notice, know, and need
Jenna gives a personal example involving canceled plans and how an abandoned, rejected part was triggered by present-day stress
The episode explores why even one step of compassionate noticing can be deeply transformative
Monique asks about wall parts, and Jenna explains how protective shutdown can feel like boundaries but usually functions as isolation
Healthy boundaries are framed as something that can only come from core self, not from angry, fearful, or manipulative parts
Jenna explains why “what’s in the way is the way” and how every part can become a doorway to healing
Jenna's books:
Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapy https://amzn.to/4y7KLsv
Move Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You https://amzn.to/45yy9OQ
Find a list of trauma recovery books + resources for the healing trauma journey.
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