How do you actually initiate sex with your partner?
It sounds simple, but for many couples, making the first move can be surprisingly awkward, vulnerable and even scary. In this episode, we get into why sexual initiation can become so difficult and what you can actually do about it.
We discuss the loneliness epidemic and changing dating habits, before getting into the bigger question: how do we ask for sex without making it feel like a high-stakes negotiation?
Drawing on ideas from Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are, we explore spontaneous and responsive desire, the "accelerators and brakes" that influence libido, and why initiating sex can start hours before you ever get into bed.
We talk about:
Why so many couples struggle to initiate sex
How fear of rejection can make making a move feel terrifying
Why sex can start with connection, safety and feeling understood
Using love languages as a form of everyday intimacy and foreplay
Spontaneous vs responsive desire
How long-term relationships can change the way we experience sexual desire
How having children can completely reshape your sex life
Why asking your partner how they like to be initiated with could change everything
How to communicate about sex without pressure, expectation or mind-reading
And then we hit the watershed.
The first half of this episode is available to everyone, but if you want to hear the more personal, intimate and unfiltered conversation - including our own stories about sexual initiation - you'll need to head over to Patreon for the full episode.
So whether you've been together for ten years, you're newly dating, you're navigating parenthood, or you're simply wondering how to make the first move without dying of embarrassment… this one's for you.
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