I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) at 48, after dieting my way up to 360 pounds. Today, I have maintained a 200+ pound loss for over 18 years.
My weight struggles began in childhood. In third grade, my worried parents put me on diet pills; by fourth grade, I weighed 157 pounds. My mom, who was the county school nurse, told me I was the largest kid in the entire school district. Food was restricted at home, so I stole money to buy snacks, growing bigger as my weight became my whole identity among my siblings.
Nothing worked – not the pills, not commercial diet plans, not a trip to the doctor, where I was told I was "morbidly obese.” As a young person, I took that to mean I was a “morbid beast.”
College brought more isolation – eating all morning in bed, late-night vending machine runs, failing grades. On planes, I had to pretend the seat belt was fastened, and I once rode an upside-down roller coaster without the restraint fully secured because I was too ashamed to admit it wouldn't fit around me.
I convinced myself I'd be single forever (though I later found a wonderful husband). Everything changed when, at 295 pounds, I had a daughter and realized she deserved a living mother. I found FA, terrified but willing to do whatever it took. My first 24 hours without flour or sugar became another, then another. I found freedom I'd never known, with quiet in my head, peace in my life, and real recovery at last.
