Episode #1199
What happens when the woman you married starts changing in ways you don't understand?
In this episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt sits down with Dr. Amanda Hanson, known as the Midlife Muse, for a conversation about supporting your wife through growth, perimenopause, menopause, changing desires, and the evolution of a long-term marriage.
Dr. Amanda has worked with thousands of women, including wives of men in The Powerful Man community. She explains why one of the most valuable things a husband can do is stop assuming he knows what his wife needs and start getting curious.
Sometimes she wants advice. Sometimes she wants help creating a solution. And sometimes she simply wants you to listen, witness what she's experiencing, and resist the urge to fix it.
They also explore what can happen during midlife when a woman who has spent years caring for everyone else begins asking what she wants for herself. Rather than automatically interpreting those changes as rejection, Amanda encourages men to understand that their wives may be entering a new stage of identity and growth.
Doug and Amanda discuss resentment on both sides of a marriage, the sacrifices husbands and wives make, emotional intimacy, appreciation, sexual desire, and why couples need to keep learning about each other instead of assuming the person they married decades ago hasn't changed.
Timestamp Chapters
00:00 What men and women wish their partners understood
00:43 Supporting your wife's personal growth
02:09 Does she want advice or does she need you to listen?
04:29 Emotional safety and feeling seen, heard, and desired
05:40 Understanding your wife during perimenopause and menopause
08:43 Why husbands shouldn't take every change personally
09:49 Do you still know who your wife is today?
10:25 Building a new version of your marriage
11:48 Bringing fun and playfulness back into your relationship
13:42 Resentment, sacrifice, and the midlife transition
15:33 How couples co-create their relationship dynamics
18:47 Holding gratitude and grief at the same time
20:00 Why comparing sacrifices creates more resentment
21:46 Remembering you're on the same team
24:15 What men and women wish each other understood
25:09 Scales Free Training
26:11 The pressure husbands and fathers quietly carry
28:03 Why men also need to feel seen and appreciated
31:04 Becoming each other's counsel
32:48 How partners can help each other grow and heal
37:59 Why maturity changes marriage
39:04 Using gratitude to change how you see your wife
41:22 The difference between gratitude and desire for women
43:02 Staying curious about your wife's changing desires
44:22 Why sexual desire can change over time
48:52 Supporting intimacy through perimenopause and menopause
50:13 Dr. Amanda Hanson's work with women
52:16 How to introduce personal growth without trying to fix your wife
53:31 Where to find Dr. Amanda Hanson
One practical place to start with your own marriage is Doug's Scales Free Training, which helps men identify what may be missing in their relationship and understand the steps for rebuilding love, respect, admiration, and intimacy:
Connect With Dr. Amanda Hanson
Dr. Amanda Hanson, known as the Midlife Muse, has helped thousands of women navigate personal growth, relationships, identity, desire, and the transitions that come with midlife. She also shares openly from the perspective of a woman who has been married for 30 years and has navigated many of these transitions within her own marriage.
Explore her work and free resources:
Website:
https://www.amandahanson.com/
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/midlife.muse
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@midlifemuse
TikTok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@midlifemuse
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/midlife.muse
Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full conversation with Dr. Amanda Hanson on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/Cm-nzEKv3dg
The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the relationship, leadership, and personal growth skills that create stronger marriages and families.
