Needs vs. Wants: How to Know What You Need and Finally Start Getting It

Send Mara a quick text love note here!

Here is the hard truth I want to start with: You cannot ask for what you do not understand, and you will not get what you do not ask for. 

So many of us have been trying to get our needs met without knowing what we need or how to ask for it. We treat other people the way we want to be treated and hope they reciprocate. We work harder and hope someone notices. We outsource and hint and wait.

And then we wonder why we are still aching.

In this episode I break down the difference between needs and wants in a way that I hope finally makes it click. A need is the what, the requirement for living well. A want is the how, the preferred strategy for getting that need met. And both are vitally important. We are not putting them in a hierarchy. We are mapping them side by side.

I use scrambled eggs as an example. (And WOEFULLY missed the opportunity to weave in my favorite Runaway Bride moment where Julia Roberts is trying all of the eggs, but you'll get the idea.) Every time we turn toward ourselves in a micro decision, we are gathering data about who we are and what we want. And that data is what eventually gives us the confidence to stay by our own side in the bigger moments.

I also talk about what to do when your preferred strategy is not available, why litigating whether something is really a need is itself a coping mechanism, and why the skill of attuning to other people's needs that so many of us already have is completely transferable to ourselves.

This is where it starts. Not with a big grand plan. With your favorite mug. With sending back the wrong order at a restaurant. With asking yourself once a day what you need and just letting yourself know.

My BEST tools, matched to exactly what you need. Take the [free] needs quiz: needsquiz.com