ep 149 / The Marriage Is Over: What "The Invite" Gets Right (and Wrong) with Zach Brittle

SPOILER ALERT! This episode is all about The Invite, Olivia Wilde and Seth Rogen's new movie—and if you haven't seen it yet, you may want to watch it before listening. Iona and Pam are joined by licensed therapist Zach Brittle, host of Marriage Therapy Radio and author of the forthcoming book, Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes, for a lively, therapist-on-therapist dissection of the film's troubled couples.

And wow, is it uncomfortable. All three therapists found themselves squirming as they watched Joe and Angela's marriage deteriorate on screen, because there's something painfully familiar about watching two people who are deeply unhappy—and who keep doing absolutely nothing to change it. Iona even turns the movie into a game: "What are all the things you can name that these couples are doing wrong?" From branching arguments into completely different fights, plowing through each other's boundaries, and dragging unresolved personal struggles into the marriage, the problems pile up fast.

Although the movie features ethical non-monogamy, Zach argues that the real issue isn't non-monogamy at all. It's truth-telling. The turning point comes when Penelope Cruz's character, Pina, finally does something therapists don't always do: she tells the blunt truth about what she sees. When she says, "This marriage is over," she doesn't necessarily mean the relationship has to end. She means this version of the marriage is over. Whether Joe and Angela can build something new is up to them—and it will require both people to actually do the work.

So what do you do when a couple walks into therapy carrying years of resentment? Zach's answer is surprisingly simple: You don't have to stay married. But if you want to, you can make the decision to do the work. Because without the willingness—or the will—to change, the therapist is fighting your battle alone. They also talk about how people "outsource" their problems to alcohol, weed, work, affairs, and even therapy; why communication tools can't compensate for a lack of foundational trust; and why Zach literally said "Okay" out loud when he saw the movie's ending. Spoiler: he felt hope.

Learn more about Zach and listen to Marriage Therapy Radio: https://marriagetherapyradio.com

Pre-order Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes: https://www.amazon.com/Nothing-Changes-Relational-Recovery-Relationships/dp/1645475875