Using AI as a therapist? Your chatbot might be building a great plan for the person you’re hoping to become.
When a client’s chatbot asked if he was an extroverted go-getter, he answered as the man he’s working toward, and the AI wrote him a solid plan he couldn’t stick to. Tony explores why AI tools tend to agree with us, what that has in common with the people-pleasers in our own lives, and what you can learn from reading your side of the conversation out loud. Then he and his daughter Sydney take your questions in a late-night TikTok Live Q&A.
Episode highlights:
Understand why chatbots lean sycophantic, and what a Stanford study found when it ran 11 AI models through real interpersonal conflicts
Recognize the three layers of sycophancy in The Emperor’s New Clothes, from the swindlers to the people-pleasing ministers to the crowd
Learn the difference between self-explaining and self-examining, and how a 90% solid, 10% flexible sense of self leaves room to grow
Get answers on when it’s time to stop therapy, whether true crime affects your mental health, the anxious-avoidant loop, and why ACT calls the brain a “don’t get killed device”
Hear Tony’s five rules for interacting with someone emotionally immature or narcissistic, plus how a trauma bond can affect your memory
Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has worked with more than 1,500 couples over 20+ years and builds AI tools for his own practice.
If you have a chatbot thread on your phone, try reading your side of it out loud and asking who was answering: the person who shows up every day or the person you’re working toward. Then send Tony your questions for the next Live.
Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch, on TikTok @virtualcouch, on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com
Try the electrolyte drink Tony mentioned during this episode! Go to https://thegoodnutrition.com?bg_ref=7ziYAxnL8L for 15% off your entire order plus free shipping!
00:00 Welcome and Setup
00:41 Client Brings Chatbot
04:33 Why AI Feels Easy
05:12 Co-regulation Explained
07:26 Doctors and AI Pushback
08:55 Projection and Therapist Fear
09:59 When Bots Validate Too Much
12:36 Therapy Use Is Exploding
13:38 Sycophancy Defined
15:00 Emperor's New Clothes
16:29 Narcissism and System Effects
18:47 Studies on AI Agreeableness
19:51 Self-Explaining Machine
22:29 Bring Threads to Therapy
22:56 TikTok Live Begins
24:11 Therapist Using ChatGPT
26:13 Tony AI Notes Workflow
27:54 When To Stop Therapy
29:07 Crisis Sessions Versus Growth
31:02 Therapy Retainer Model
32:51 Sales Page Detour
34:57 Disagreeing With Coaches
36:31 Selling Destination Not Vehicle
38:08 The Shady Course Trap
38:25 Course Upsell Trap
38:50 Amen Clinic Brain Scans
39:46 True Crime Mental Effects
42:44 Couples Conflict and Control
45:04 Differentiation and Maturity
49:08 Hydration Sponsor Break
51:46 Therapy as Hangout Space
53:13 Healing Insecurity in Marriage
56:35 Insurance and Coaching Options
01:02:02 Codependency Awakening Stages
01:06:59 Relationship Attack Surfaces
01:08:00 Therapy Access and Sliding Scale
01:09:12 Finding the Right Therapist
01:10:27 Bald Story Break
01:11:19 ACT Versus CBT Explained
01:13:22 Why Days Feel Repetitive
01:17:31 Telehealth Licensing and Coaching
01:19:04 Trauma Bonds and CPTSD
01:23:54 Five Rules With Narcissists
01:26:32 Self-Explain Versus Self-Examine
01:28:41 Wrapping Up and Resources
01:30:03 Dog Cameo and Goodbye
