Touch is one of our most basic human needs, yet for many men, meaningful platonic touch can disappear from their lives for years, sometimes even decades.
In this deeply moving conversation, Dr. Dan welcomes Aaron Johnson, public speaker, facilitator, filmmaker, touch activist, founder of the Chronically Untouched Project, and co-founder of Holistic Resistance and Grief to Action.
Aaron’s work explores the emotional and relational lives of Black men and the messages many have received about what masculinity is supposed to look like. Be strong. Hold your emotions in. Take care of yourself. Don’t show vulnerability. Through intentional listening, platonic touch, consent, tenderness, and community, Aaron is creating spaces where men can experience a different way of connecting with themselves and with one another.
Aaron shares how this work began with his own grief after the death of his father and his nearly year-long journey to regain access to tears after approximately 20 years of not crying. Rather than forcing an emotional breakthrough, Aaron discovered that being deeply and consistently listened to created the safety necessary for his emotions to emerge.
That experience became foundational to his work and to one of its central principles: “Listening is the first hug.”
Aaron and Dr. Dan explore what happens when men are given permission to move beyond the roles they have been conditioned to play. Aaron describes the powerful question that became a cornerstone of the Chronically Untouched Project:
When was the last time you experienced three minutes of thoughtful, platonic touch?
For many of the men Aaron has worked with, answering that question means searching decades into their past.
The conversation explores why something as simple as holding another man’s hand can feel profoundly vulnerable, particularly for Black men who have absorbed cultural expectations around hypermasculinity, strength, sexuality, and survival. Aaron explains how creating safety through listening and explicit consent allows participants to slowly experience touch without coercion, pressure, or judgment.
Aaron also takes listeners inside one of the most moving practices featured in his films Dark and Tender and Dark and Tender: Big Island: the “tuck-in.” Grown men are invited to ask directly for the kind of care they need… pillows, blankets, a hand held, someone sitting near them, or simply the presence of others and then allow themselves to receive it.
It is a seemingly simple act with profound implications.
Aaron describes these experiences as an interruption of the belief that grown men, and particularly Black men, cannot or should not be held tenderly.
Dr. Dan and Aaron also discuss the broader potential of this work. Learning to listen, communicate boundaries, practice consent, and understand vulnerability within our own bodies may influence how we treat other people’s bodies and relationships. The conversation expands beyond individual healing into questions of violence, community, family, parenting, and future generations.
Aaron emphasizes that homes and families can become powerful places for change. By modeling positive touch, listening deeply, making room for tenderness, and helping children use their voices, parents and caregivers can begin changing the messages boys receive about what it means to be strong.
Ultimately, this episode is an invitation to reconsider connection itself.
Strength and tenderness do not have to be opposites. Vulnerability does not have to diminish masculinity. And sometimes healing begins not with having the perfect words, but with creating enough safety to listen, to feel, and to allow another human being to be present with us.
1. Listening can be a form of connection before physical touch ever happens.Aaron describes listening as “the first hug.” Deep, nonjudgmental listening creates trust and emotional safety, allowing people to take increasingly vulnerable interpersonal risks.
2. Emotional breakthroughs cannot always be forced.Aaron spent months trying to regain access to his tears after his father’s death. He ultimately discovered that safety, patience, trust, and being heard—not pressure—allowed the grief he had carried for years to emerge.
3. Three minutes of platonic touch can reveal how disconnected many men have become.A few minutes seems insignificant until someone realizes they cannot remember the last time they experienced sustained, intentional, nonsexual touch.
4. Consent becomes especially powerful when people experience it through their own vulnerability.Aaron’s workshops emphasize explicit yeses and noes, careful listening, and respect for boundaries before physical contact takes place.
5. Tenderness and strength can coexist.Aaron’s work challenges cultural narratives that teach men—particularly Black men—that softness, vulnerability, emotional expression, or being cared for somehow diminishes their strength.
6. Receiving care can be as transformative as giving it.Exercises such as the tuck-in give adult men permission to identify what they need, ask for it clearly, and experience being cared for without having to perform, compete, or prove themselves.
7. Changing the culture begins at home.Aaron encourages parents, caregivers, and families to create homes where healthy touch, listening, tenderness, emotional expression, consent, and the human voice are modeled from childhood.
For more information visit CutProject.org and follow (GUEST INSTAGRAM HANDLE LIVE LINK) on Instagram.
Please listen, follow, rate, and review Make It a Great One on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Follow @drdanpeters on social media. Visit www.drdanpeters.com and send your questions or guest pitches to podcast@drdanpeters.com.
We have this moment, this day, and this life—let’s make it a great one.– Dr. Dan
KEY TAKEAWAYS
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