Addictions and overdoses are at an all-time high, taking the lives of our loved ones much too early. Today I will be talking to Shar Jones about the amazing work she’s doing in supporting families, especially moms, who have a son or daughter addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Shar is the mom of addict who understands first-hand the hardship of addiction and how it affects everyone close to the addict. She knows the challenges facing families who are enmeshed with a son or daughter addicted to alcohol or drugs.
Shar Jones is a Nationally Certified Interventionist, Recovery Coach, and the host of "Beyond Hope Radio" podcast.
“Beyond Hope Radio” podcast is a way for Shar to share her voice and reach moms out there who are feeling isolated, lonely and harbor a sense of powerlessness. She says, "I want to continue to share encouragement and hope with other moms."
Shar says the podcasts are about "sharing some of the gifts and tools I've acquired over the years."
Co-dependency and enabling. Sometimes it’s hard to know whether you are helping or hurting your loved one. There is a lot of controversy around this and it’s important to disconnect the heartstrings a little. Shar states that a good place to start is to write down all the ways you are allowing them to feed their addictions. This could be lending them money, allowing them to stay with you after you said you wouldn't or driving them to work. These are co-dependency and enabling behaviors that aren't helping them.
Our job is not to fix our kids or to get them to understand how much it hurts us. "It's about getting out of our loved ones way so that they can start to heal and get the help they really need."
Choose to reclaim your life. “I had lost my sense of identity and worth because I felt like I had failed my daughter somewhere along the way. I felt like I was a bad mom,” laments Shar.
We cover the questions and struggles moms face- How do you start to empower yourself when you have hit rock bottom as a mom? Nothing is working anymore and you start to shut down. Your loved one is still in addiction but your life is not working, your career, your marriage, your friendships - everything suffers.
On this episode, you will understand that the best thing you can do is shift focus away from trying to "fix" your loved one and start to look within. Start to care for self and start to rebuild your life. Shar discusses living a joyful, happy and healthy life that is not contingent on your loved one's recovery.
"I didn't feel like I deserved to be happy because I had this loved one who could die from her addiction,” she remembers. Tune in to learn how to set an example for your loved one and not feel guilty about it.
Finding your people. Although there are a lot of lessons learned along the way, one thing Shar says is imperative, is that you find support from other moms who understand what you're going through. That's your lifeline.
She strongly recommends that you find your people, your community “Whether that's in al-anon or other support networks elsewhere, such as online groups on Facebook and other online forums.” You need support people who really "get it."
Shar’s one piece of advice? Let the experts help guide you and lean on other people. For her, she had to be willing to ask for help even though it was tough to recognize that this was beyond her capabilities as a mom. She says reaching out to other moms that get what you're going through is crucial.