God created us relational. To know and love another and being known and loved by another is a core human need. Wonderfully, this is ultimately met in Christ apart from sex. Yet, our sexuality serves as a physical reminder of this need. Sexuality in marriage can be a reflection of this holy intimacy with God.
What is a critical element of sexual addiction recovery?
Community. Bringing our pain and addiction into the light of fellowship provides strength for recovery. Addicts grow in empathy and accountability.
Why is empathy significant?
Sexual vice erodes empathy - the ability to feel with another person. Empathy wonderfully helps recover the addicted mind because it helps us healthily feel with people. When we walk in community, we see how our sin adversely affects others.
Say more about the connection between empathy and sexual health.
Empathy helps us develop compassion. Compassion is suffering with another person. Such compassion is an expression of love. In short, sexual addiction violates love for God, others and ourselves. Learning to love others well helps recovery.
Who might be the community the addicted connect with?
Prudence should be always taken when elevating our brokenness with others. Certainly, there are those we should and shouldn't share openly with. Open fellowship can be struck between any safe and trusted individual. Those close to us. There are also organized groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).
Coach the community. What is required of them?
Communities need to be trustworthy and able to absorb brokenness without shutting down openness. Further, they need to learn how to speak truth into the life of the addicted. Compassion is needed to suffer alongside the addicted.
What are you learning in your profession as an addiction specialist?
Much research is indicating the effect pornography has on the brain and body. Much like drugs, sexual deviancy is changing our brains and bodies for the worse. Sexual addiction is a compulsion for sexual deviancy, yet it is always a choice. Compulsion and choice occur at the same time and do not diminish the other.
What resources do you recommend?
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a technique that attempts to slow us down enough to see why we are doing what we are doing. The intention is to learn ourselves well enough to catch our earliest thoughts that lead to unhelpful feelings and unwanted behaviors.
Personal Craziness Index is a resource that a person engages with over time to learn their patterns. The intention is to detect one's earliest unhealthy behavior.
Three circle exercise is another resource that helps organize behaviors into healthy and unhealthy zones for the purpose of understanding our behavior.
Identity statement exercise is an activity that leads a person in creating an identity statement for themselves. These identity statements help a person understand and believe more fully, who they are as a son or daughter of God.
Spiritual gifts assessment. This activity helps a person understand their spiritual giftings and how they might live more fully into these gifts.
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