What does it really mean to practice loving kindness — not as a spiritual platitude, but as the radical act of meeting yourself and others with unconditional ease?
Is metta just wishful thinking, a form of spiritual bypassing, or something far more demanding and transformative than modern wellness culture tends to acknowledge?
In this wide-ranging conversation, Jacob Kyle sits down with meditation teacher and author Oneika Mays to explore metta — loving kindness — as a living practice of self-recognition, accountability, and opening. Drawing from Oneika's decades of practice and teaching, including six years of volunteer and full-time work at Rikers Island, and her newly released book Sit With Me: A No-BS Journey to Mindfulness and Meditation, the discussion moves through the philosophy of unconditional friendliness, the difference between liking and loving, and what it truly means to begin with yourself.
Together, they examine the four Brahmavihāras — loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity — the practice of metta as a radically political act, and why genuine transformation requires sitting with what's in the way, not leaping over it. The conversation also explores Oneika's journey from bookstore worker to prison chaplain to author, the challenge of writing accessibly without losing depth, the tension between personal practice and systemic complicity, and why nuance may be the most urgent spiritual capacity we need right now.
At its core, this episode treats metta not as a feel-good meditation technique, but as a practice of honest reckoning — one that asks us to extend the same tenderness to those who frustrate us as we offer to those we love, and to recognize that how we meet ourselves shapes how we meet the world.
Discussed in This Episode:
Why metta is not affirmation — and what makes it a gesture rather than a declaration
The crucial difference between liking and loving, and why it matters for how we show up politically
What it means to work with the difficult person — and why it frees us more than it helps them
The four Brahmavihāras: metta, karuna, mudita, and equanimity — and why equanimity is a place, not a state
The familiar stranger practice and how it dissolves the boundary between in-group and out-group
Why practicing without attachment to outcome is both the hardest and most essential instruction
Oneika's six years at Rikers Island — what she gained, what it cost, and when she knew it was time to leave
How metta practice and the George Floyd uprisings collided in Oneika's understanding of complicity
The danger of progressive movements using the master's tools
Beginner's mind as a practice for seasoned practitioners — and why skipping foundational wisdom is its own trap
Writing as a portal: what Oneika discovered about grief, self-celebration, and the intellectual bypass
Why accessibility is not a lesser form of teaching — and how it became Oneika's lane
On Susannah Rubin: grief, ancestry, and the wisdom we leave behind
––––– To deepen your knowledge of yoga philosophy, grab our Yoga Philosophy Reading List, a curated PDF of all the books that will give you a comprehensive overview of the yoga philosophical traditions.
––––– 30-DAY SĀDHANA: 30 Days of Practices to help refine the nervous system, alleviate negative patterns, and foster a contemplative and spiritually-informed life.
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