Dutch Psychologist Barlas Gunay is back and he's here to go all into boundaries with me! We've both noticed that boundaries is a concept the average person is more familiar with than ever before (yay), but we both see in our clinical work that there's a surface level behavior-based knowledge, that isn't moving the needle for most of us Cyclestarters as we have a lot of development to catch up first.
As Barlas explains, People-pleasers, self-sacrificers, etc. often already know they need to set boundaries, say no, and express their needs more clearly. But as healers and teachers, if we tell them to “just do it” without acknowledging the deep inner work involved, we mislead them. You can’t break lifelong people-pleasing patterns without understanding why you people-please in the first place—why you’re so afraid of saying no and prioritizing your true self.
In this conversation we discuss the difference between too porous and rigid boundaries, the essential role of protecting the inner child, quiet boundaries that don't require anyone else's knowledge or buy-in, how we can unconsciously not hold boundaries to avoid our own work, and the essential role of befriending and listening to our anger. This episode includes concepts and I offer examples from my own life, I was still in the middle of the Helene experience during this recording so I had many thoughts on how I was protecting myself and my energy during such a challenging time!
Barlas is a Dutch Psychologist of the powerful and insightful Instagram account @acceptandact, and his episode from February on "Anger and The Inner Child" remains my most listened-to episode! He is clear, kind and powerful in his multi-faceted effort to help us reparent and heal from inter-generational experiences that have caused us to cope and leave our authentic healthy selves. Enjoy the episode!
Podden och tillhörande omslagsbild på den här sidan tillhör Ann Odom. Innehållet i podden är skapat av Ann Odom och inte av, eller tillsammans med, Poddtoppen.
