There are many types of divorces, ranging from peaceable and mature to high-conflict and psychologically exhausting. In our (Divorced Dad and Divorced Mom) opinions, from our point of view, each of our ex spouses seem set on stirring up chaos.
In this episode we give examples of this, including giving mixed messages, purposefully trying to trigger you, or weaving a narrative of victimhood to others.
We describe the unique grief these situations can bring up for us and other parents who would have wished for a healthier co-parenting situation.
Then, we talk about a few recent moments where we were able to keep our peace and practice boundaries during difficult scenarios.
We also touch on ways that it has felt like our exes have tried to weaponize court orders. One helpful tip that we offer in this episode is: get, and stay, very familiar with your court order, so that no one can mislead you about it.
We discuss some moral questions that come up when parenting kids in tricky co-parenting dynamics. Like, how do we teach our kids that lying isn’t ok, when their other parent chooses to use deceit regularly - without saying something negative about that parent?
Then, we chat about how our current relationship is going. As you can tell, and probably relate to, we each have some deeply rooted hurts that we’re working through as we grow together.
There are certain challenges to building trust with someone after experiencing abuse in the past. And, it’s sometimes hard to rightly interpret actions that may remind us of past relationship dynamics, but in reality have very different (safer) reasons and motives behind them.
I (Divorced Mom) was also not previously in a relationship where self-development in certain areas could even happen, so I’m learning what my part in a healthy relationship looks like.
I (Divorced Dad) am continuing to work on my communication style and how I come across. I’m reminded that self awareness includes listen to others even about some things you may not always see in yourself.
We can see good results blooming from continuing to talk these things out together, from being honest about what’s working and what’s not, and from following our intuition about the speed and pace of our relationship.
There are many blessings in this season, including seeing the fruit of happiness and thriving in our kids as they move forward.
Remember, don’t get sucked into other people’s chaos; always hold your boundaries with calm assertiveness, and don’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing their attempts get to you.
We’re in this together!
