Have you ever felt unheard or not respected? Perhaps you’ve been in a political conversation where you know with every fiber of your being that what the other person is saying is completely wrong, untrue, or they’re listening to the wrong sources – and it triggers you. Then you begin to get ‘wrapped around the axle’. Perhaps there was an experience you felt could have been avoided that triggered you to react in an emotional way rather than a calm, wise one.
It can be hard to stay calm, cool, and collected during a passionate or heated conversation, especially when you wholeheartedly believe that you’re right, and the other person is wrong. But, like Michael Singer said: “You don’t have to be strong, you need to be wise.” So in these moments, is it more important to be right – or to be happy and effective?
In this episode, I discuss how we often fall into the trap of spinning our wheels or get ‘wrapped around the axle’ over things people say or events that happen. I discuss how arguing with events or realities often causes us to get distracted and leak energy and power. I discuss how our emotional intelligence determines how much power we leak in the office, in the boardroom, or in life overall and how our ego often plays a problematic role in these settings. I also discuss the power of taking deep breaths when things don’t go the way you think they should and the beauty of saying ‘thank you’ when receiving unwanted or unexpected feedback.
“When things happen at work – the person who can get to sane faster, the person who can get to emotional maturity and emotional intelligence faster is the person who has the power in every conversation.” - Mark Silverman
This week on The Rising Leader Podcast:
● How arguing with reality and the things that happen cause us to leak energy, power, and get distracted
● How we often fall into the trap of spinning our wheels
● How having strong emotional intelligence prevents us from leaking power
● The power of calmly asking questions
● How our ego is often the root cause of most problems or arguments
● Asking yourself: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy and effective
● Taking deep breaths when things don’t go the way we think they should
● Saying ‘thank you’ when receiving negative feedback
My Favorite Cliches on Being Right vs. Being Effective:
● Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
● “When you argue with reality, you only lose 100% of the time.” - Byron Katie
● Acceptance is the key to my serenity.
● “How do we know something should have happened? Because it did.” - Byron Katie
● “You don’t have to be strong. You need to be wise.” - Michael Singer
Resources Mentioned:
● Book: Living Untethered: Beyond the Human Predicament by Michael A. Singer
● Book: Loving What Is by Byron Katie
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