The Trauma of First Love in a Cult

Members of the second generation ex-Unification Church community are beginning to speak out about their experiences, going so far as to coin the phrase “first love trauma” in online conversations. It wasn’t a phrase I’d heard before, even as I’ve studied the intersections of purity culture and religious trauma. But boy could I relate to it.

So it made me wonder if there was any research on second generation adults who have left cults, and their first experiences with romantic love. I looked at the psychology of first love to see if I could make connections to what I’ve learned about the psychology of and abuses within cults.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Study on the brain's reaction to love being similar to addiction. 

Jefferson Singer'a quote about our "memory bump." 

A study indicating that our working memory peaks around 18. 

Nancy Kalish Ph.D.'s article indicating that first love does not prevent later bonds from occurring. 

Dan McAdams in Psychology Today, on developing and internalizing an autobiographical narratives. 

 Dr. Niloo Dardashti's quote that our first love do become a blueprint for how we approach future relationships. 

Dr.Luisa Dillner on what a love-based PTSD diagnosis might look like. 

Liz Powell, PsyD,'s quote on trauma bonding relationships.

Michael Samsel's site https://www.abuseandrelationships.org/ where he talks about communal abuse.

The article by The New Republic, "The Fall of the House of Moon." 

In the Shadow of the Moonsby Nansook Han. 

Is Purity Culture a Form of Sexual Abuse? for ICSA Today, the International Cultic Studies Association magazine.

David J. Ley Ph.D.'s article Overcoming Religious Sexual Shame. 

https://www.inclusivetherapists.com

https://www.icsahome.com/support/counseling-resources

Reclamation Collective

Sexuality educator Erica Smith

I Got Out