The First Agreement - Be Impeccable With Your Word
Why is your word so important? Because, according to Ruiz, it is your power to create. “What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.”
It’s all connected, and what you say matters. This includes what we say to ourselves as well as what we say to others. Our inner voice is often the most destructive because it draws from our negative core beliefs: I’m not good enough, smart enough, worthy of love, deserving of happiness, etc.
So what does it mean to be impeccable with your word? From its Latin roots, it means “without sin,” which Ruiz goes on to explain:
“A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin. You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything. Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable is not going against yourself. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.”
Going Against The First Agreement
We go against ourselves all the time without realizing it. We say we want one thing, but then we do exactly the opposite. Because our subconscious wants to keep us safe, it will default to what is known and familiar, even if it’s painful and not at all what we want. It’s because we created it with our own thoughts, words, and actions.
When you blame others, you are not impeccable with your word. Angry words directed at someone else (whether they hear them or not), are angry words you use against yourself. They are a reflection of how you feel inside. It comes from a place of believing you are owed by this person rather than looking at where you let yourself down.
My Version Of The First Agreement: Speak Your Truth in Love
Speak your truth, Speak your truth but do it with love. Instead of hiding who you are and how you feel, express it openly and honestly. This can be scary for many of us because we’re afraid of being judged and rejected. If we can get thru the fear and move past the fear we will find the KEY to emotional freedom,, self-acceptance and a living an authentic life is all within the first agreement.
The First Agreement and our Co-Parenting Relationships
Finding ways to encourage, honor and respect the other co-parent, is only part of the way I am impeccable with my words. Work hard on not gossiping about the other co-parent or engaging in negative talk that only hurts and doesn’t help. Whenever I’m emotionally triggered, I am always willing to take responsibility no matter what! No unnecessary drama, blame, or tirades.
Journal
For the next week, pay attention to your words, both verbal and your internal dialogue. In your journal, jot them down. Write down when you were impeccable with your word and spoke your truth, and when you didn’t.
- What is something you are hiding, which you may have shame around? What are your fears around expressing it to another person?
- When was the last time you said you would do something, but didn’t go through with it? Examples might include making plans to get together with someone, sending a thank you note, calling a parent or friend, etc. How did/do you feel by going against what you said you would do? Benefits? Is it a pattern of letting yourself down? Is it an opportunity to punish yourself because that’s something you’re used to?
I suggest making two columns: one for times you were impeccable with your word and one for the occasions you didn’t. If you can, write it down in the moment! If you have trouble remembering to check in with yourself, set a reminder once or twice a day.
Again, it’s all connected. Choose your words carefully. They are more powerful than you think.
