A Good Relationship Between Adult Children And Parents

Keziah Gutierrez: And I also knew in the back of my mind that my dad is getting older, my mom is getting older.

McGill Onate: Once that kind of clicked to me, I was like they know so much more why am I trying to do everything myself?

Hannah Limon: I’m strong now because of you two.

Katrina Nicole Espiritu: Wait, I’m not crying. I’m just—

Taylor Joy Lagpacan: Why am I getting so emotional right now?! 

[Show intro] 

Kez: Welcome to the Heart and Soul podcast, where we have honest conversations that nurture our souls. Today we’re talking about relationships with our parents as adults. As we enter adulthood, entering college or getting a first job, first apartment, our first bills, we begin to build a life for our own one that becomes a blueprint of how our lives should be. We decide who we spend our time with and what we spend our time on. But the question is, as an adult, what about our relationship with our parents? So let’s talk about it. I’m Kez G, your host for today’s episode. Let’s have a Heart and Soul conversation.

[Music] 

Kez: I am also joined by my co-hosts today from all over the world. McGill, from Canada, Katrina from the Philippines, Hannah from California, and Taylor from San Diego. 

Co-Hosts: Hello. Hi. 

Kez: And of course, we’d like to welcome Brother Donald Pinnock, a Minister of the Gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hello, Brother Donald! 

Brother Donald Pinnock: Hi. This is going to be a very, very interesting and insightful conversation for sure.

Kez: So today we’re talking about our parents, our relationship with our parents. Especially now as we’re all living in our 20s. We’re all 20 years old and above, and all of us, all your co-hosts are in different stages. 

And, you know, in movies, once you graduate high school, we hear about, or the movies show people our age packing our things, moving out to colleges or leaving the nest and then going out there in the world and doing our own thing. So here’s a question I’d like to ask us to start us off: Thinking about your own relationship with your parents, how involved are your parents in the decisions that you make as a young adult? I’m actually going to start off with Taylor, how [is] your relationship with your parents? And when you started, you know, start making your own decisions? you know, buying your first car and everything. How involved were they?

Taylor: Very involved is the quick answer. I would…I feel like it’s safe to say that my parents have been very involved with my decisions, you know, forever, my entire life. And, you know, I feel like I’ve just continued as I grew into adulthood. But right now, at this point in my life, you know, I’m working, I’m trying to become more financially stable on my own.

And at this point, I feel like my parents are definitely not as involved as they were, let’s say 2 or 3 years ago, but they are still involved in the sense that they ask me, every now and then, like how I’m doing with work, how I’m doing in terms of reaching my financial goals, other goals in my life.

So, they’re still very involved in the sense that they show me that they’re still interested in what’s going on in my life, but they’re not going to pry for answers from me. 

Kez: I’m similar as well. They just ask me how I’m going with my adult life. When I was younger, I would ask, you know, can I, can we eat out at a restaurant and my mom would say, you have food at home and now as an adult. I mean, the other day I was pretty much driving back home from work, and I saw, like, a fast food joint, and I’m like, I’m kind of hungry right now. Like, you know, Should I get some junk-Should I get some, like, you know, some food on the way? Because it is just on the way home. And I just thought to myself, do I want to spend $12 on a large meal when I, when at home, I can just literally cook the same thing?

Taylor: So relatable. I feel that every single day, Kez! 

Kez: Yeah! And then I told and I found myself going, oh, I have food at home I like. And I just drove. I was like, no, I didn’t stop for the fast food restaurant. And then I just think, oh, I owe my mom a huge apology for all the times I like, begged her and she and I would go “You never treat me out. Why? I don’t want food at home.” I understand now. I’m like, I’m not wasting 12 bucks like that. $12 can go for something else, you know.

Taylor: I love how my conversations with my parents like it clearly shifted. I could feel a clear shift. As I started entering adulthood. Specifically, I noticed this shift once I started working, you know, like making my own money and start, building a financial foundation for myself. That is the time my conversations with my parents started feeling so adult. That’s the best way I can describe it. My mom and I, we just started talking, prior to me working, my mom never really delved into her work life with me. Like telling me things that are going on in her work or goals that she has in her career. But then when I started working, that’s something we would bond over, us talking about what’s going on in our offices. Like she would tell me what’s going on and I would tell her, of course. Yeah, I’m experiencing something similar at my work. So it was cool that…I could there was something else my mom and I could talk about and with my dad. Oh, definitely. My dad is actually, he is an accountant in terms of his work, and he specializes in taxes. So you can imagine we started having lots of tax conversations. So, I appreciate how my parents have recognized that I am at that much more mature stage in my life. You know, where I don’t necessarily rely on them for everything I can provide for myself for certain things. And, in response to that, they understand that they can talk to me, much more maturely. 

Kez: And I know Hannah, you actually live away from your parents. Am I still correct on that? 

Hannah: You’re correct! So actually, I am…well, I’m still living in my family home here in San Diego. And, like you’ve mentioned, Kez, my parents, they’re actually, in another country for my dad’s line of work. So actually, when the time came, when I moved away for college, I went to another city, in Irvine, which is an hour away. they were still involved here and there where they would visit me. They would already, provide, you know, any groceries and such, even though I don’t ask. But when it does come to big decisions such as finances, employment, past relationships, challenges or decisions, I would always defer to my parents. But for them, it’s more of, they know I’m independent enough to make my own decisions, but they always reassure that they’re there for support and to, you know, guide me. They’re not as forceful or like what Taylor said to pry, like, you know, what do you need? What do you need? Help? What are you struggling with? So, you know, I appreciate that independence because of course, you know, as dire as it sounds, of course, they may not be around as long

Kez: And what about you, Kat? 

Kat: My parents are pretty involved as well, so I’m always consulting my decisions when it comes to work and the Church. So I’m always consulting them and they’re likely to give me such advice that I need too, so that I can decide not only on my own, but also depending on what they advise to me. That’s our relationship with my parents.

Kez: And McGill, what about you? Did you have something similar where you had to make choices or and your parents stepped in to help out?

McGill: Yes, actually, in terms of like, career paths, and everything, God bless my parents, they are like, honestly couldn’t ask for anything, like, more, because what they really did and helping me choosing my career path for me, as I’m, you know, as we all are, I’m sure there’s been a point where, you know, we’re trying to figure out what we want to do with our career path, what we want to have as a future job. 

And for me, I really didn’t know what I wanted to be. I had completely no clue in school. I was just doing my academics, and whatnot, I didn’t really have something that sparked interest. 

And so, when choosing a college or university, I asked my mom, “What should I do? I really don’t know what I want to do” My mom, but she said, she said to me, “Oh, how about try IT, Information Technology. You like computers right?” And I really didn’t have anything against that, because I had no idea what I wanted to do. 

So I went ahead into go into IT, and I absolutely did not like it. And I studied for like a month, a month! And then I got out of there! 

God bless my parents, they were super supportive of me. They’re like: “Hey, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it and then you just find something else.” 

So over the course of maybe a couple of months, trying to find myself, I was just working, I was talking to a sister in the Church. And they, they mentioned to me like: “Hey, don’t you like video games? Why don’t you get into video games and video game development?” 

And I’m just like I never really thought of that. Yes, I enjoy video games. I never really thought about creating them. And so I did some research and then I brought I’d have to my parents, like, hey, what if I actually get into video game development? 

And they’re just like, hey, if you find that there’s something that you like more than IT, go ahead. 

Kez: Well actually, McGill, I wanted to ask a follow up question for that. And you’re, you know, like those more creative fields, like video games, and animation, those are, you know, they’re quite competitive in the field from what I know. And I’m sure you know as well. How did you feel when you first approached your parents going, ‘I want to change to like a career in video games?’ 

McGill: Yeah, that’s actually a really great question. Because I’m sure maybe for a lot of the viewers here, maybe thinking, oh, I want to switch career paths by might be afraid to go up to my parents and ask that question. Can I change career paths? 

For me, the relationship with my parents is very—I’m not sure the exact word but it’s, it’s so—it’s very mutual and understanding. It’s like, if I have something on my mind, I’m free to tell them because they can understand what I’m saying. So, yeah, my parents, they, they make me feel safe. In conversations like that.

Kez: That’s actually really cool, McGill! I’m so glad that your parents were so supportive. We love our parents. We love our parents. And this podcast is here to tell you why. 

I just want to go back to what we mentioned earlier. Where all our parents give us advice. I just wanted to ask this question: When we were given advice by our parents and how much and anyone can answer after I ask this question, how much do we apply the advice that our parents give us or are there times where you go, “thank you for the advice, but I feel like this is where I’m sure of what I should do”? 

Hannah: I’ve mentioned before, I’m a teacher, and there’s things that I’m knowledgeable about that my parents might not know. I’m not saying that they’re not as knowledgeable in the education field. They both worked in their careers a lot longer. So there’s some things that are sometimes. Yeah, I’ll follow that. I’ll talk to my boss and confront them about this. And there’s times where I’m like, whoa, I need to actually rethink that because that’s probably not the right way to go. So there’s those specific things that I have to consider whenever I consult my parents.

Something that’s helped me over time is just to be clearer with my communication. So I do my best to explain to them, for them to understand of my situation.

It also helps me with making decisions because ultimately what they’ve told me as well I’m trying to finalize or stabilize my finances and build off a career and eventually have my own family one day.

So, of course, these decisions, practicing making these decisions on my own, it’s good practice at this time. But of course, knowing that my parents are always there to support and if anything, I have my prayers to rely on and especially the teachings we hear in the Church to, you know, know how to make these decisions.

Kez: That’s interesting, Hannah, that you mentioned that, if I could probably tell my own story. For me, I had some idea of what I wanted to do. And my mom and dad kind of sat me down and they were like, it’s your choice what you want to do.

However, they wanted me—they wanted me to make sure that whatever I decided to do, it has to help the Church in some way. And so I know my mom and dad we’re always thinking in a more practical side, you know? Is that going to help you financially or is that going to help you with your stability in the future? And those are concerns that are, for me, quite important now that I am in my late 20s and I am living on my own, and I understand the importance of financial stability, I understand now where they were coming from. 

But they were sort of just advising, suggesting, if there’s something you’re going to do, make sure that it’s helpful for the Church. Because I was also born and raised in the Church Of Christ. And that is the integral part that is the central thing of our family. Whatever we do in the outside world, that is a supplementary. I mean, it is my, you know, livelihood, but it has to help the Church in some way. And so that was the suggestion and the advice that they gave me.

And so that actually kind of helped me when it came to decision making. I became a teacher, which is really close to it. Still the best thing. and it’s actually the best thing because, like, everything I do in teaching, I can apply to the Church, you know, and in a way, for me, I felt like that was my parents guiding me, not only, as I grow up, but also in my spiritual care.

And so I wanted to bring that now to you Brother Donald. Brother Donald, you’ve heard how our parents play a role in our lives in terms of career and educational advancement. What does the Bible say, then, about the role of parents?

Brother Donald: Well, we all know that when it comes to parents, they play an integral role in the development of their child or children. And the Bible substantiates that. Invariably, the parents, they are like the first role models that the children learn from. Also copy and then emulate. And that’s why when it comes to the parents in the Church Of Christ, they strive to implement this following Bible teaching that we can read in Proverbs 22 and the verse is 6 and the following is stated:

Teach a child how he should live, and he will remember it all his life.

[Proverbs 22:6 Today’s English Version]

Brother Donald: Parents then, they strive to impress upon the young children the kind of behavior or conduct that is acceptable and being part of the learning process we have to admit to, especially when children are young. It’s very normal for children to make mistakes. And that is why this is a part of the parents rearing their children in order for their children to be not only role models in society, but most especially when it comes to serving the Lord our God. That’s why the children, they learn from even a young age how they should behave. They also gain those invaluable values when it comes to Christian or spiritual morals. And because the parents do this to their children when the children are young, inevitably, when the children grow up, they have nurtured those qualities.

And that is why when it comes to parenting, in truth, it’s not just when the child is young, but it will continue even when the children are older. That’s why it’s really heartwarming to hear from all of you when it comes to how your parents interacted with you, especially when it came to that next stage of your life. What are you going to study in university or college? Do you have a career goal? And then parents even suggesting and not dictating, but suggesting, when it comes to avenues of further education that can lead to, a stable career when it comes to, income, when it comes to, again, not being hindered when it comes to serving and worshiping God.

So, you know, it’s just heartwarming to hear from all of you when it comes to what parents have done in your life so far.

Kez: Thank you so much for that, Brother Donald. And it’s true. Our parents are with us no matter how old we are. And so, there was this interesting article I read from Pew Research Center. An article called “Parents, Young Adult Children and the Transition to Adulthood”. And there [were] a bunch of statistics in there and a lot of those statistics actually quite surprised me. And I’ll just read to you some of them. 

So, according to the Pew Research Center, parents are involved in their young children’s lives. Majority of parents say that they, the parents text or message or talk on the phone with their child. 73% of them text their child, and 54% of them talk to their child on the phone, at least a few times a week. About 6 in 10 or 59% say they’ve helped their children financially in the past years. A majority of young adults, which is, I think, 20s and 30s, 69% say that they can be their true self around their parents all or most of the time. 41% of parents say that their young adult children rely on them a great deal on a fair amount for emotional support.

Kat: Yeah, I actually can relate to you guys and with the percentage that was in the survey, I was not a young adult to realize it even in a fair amount of emotional support. Because when I, when I got into a like when I got consulted, things that I should consult to support me emotionally, I didn’t get the comfort that I need. But, okay I realize that they can provide it spiritually. They can say, just pray, just ask for help from God. Just like that. But emotionally, I’m just dealing [with] it alone. I wasn’t going to consult with my parents again. Because I think I would be invalidated like that. So. But it’s okay. It’s okay. And they can do it with a prayer a lot because I have devotional prayers. And then I trust God that this is a challenge for me so that I can rely more on Him like that.

McGill: You know, that’s really funny, actually, because, you know, hearing the whole conversation about going to our parents for some emotional support, my family dynamic, or at least my relationship with my parents, we actually don’t do that too much. Like very, very rarely do we ever do that. Which is again, not really a bad thing. Like even like for me, in my heart, I’m not necessarily bothered by that.

Actually, I kind of don’t want to do that because, I actually don’t know the reason exactly or the reason why I kind of if I do look for emotional support, I would look for it in maybe my close friends or maybe even to myself because, I feel like that sort of connection, it’s much more easily understood because of our generation. And with our parents, they’re coming from a different generation, much more older generation, they might not understand the problems or mental issues that we may have. 

But then there’s this one point, in my previous romantic relationship where things weren’t going too well and, my mental wellbeing and, just my stress level was very high. And then ultimately the—that relationship did come to an end. And when it did come to an end, I did go straight to my mom to tell her, what has happened, although I’ve never really told her anything previously up until that point.

And God bless. She was there with an open ear, listening and giving her humble inputs. And from there, actually, from that point, I am much more open to talking to her. It was very scary at first because I’ve never tried this before, but slowly I understood my parents. They’re a lot older than I am. They have a lot more experience when it comes to relationships. Jobs, anything really. 

Kez: We forget that, you know, we just see them as we really—we see them as mom and dad and that is it. But we forget that they are humans with years of experience. 

McGill: It’s so crazy to think about, like once that kind of clicked to me, it’s like they know so much more. Why am I trying to do everything myself? If I do need some sort of support or some sort of guidance in something, why not go to my parents.

Kez: We love that, McGill. And it’s really interesting to notice that our family dynamic is something that we often kind of look over our heads because we’re just part of the family. But now that we’re a bit older, I’m realizing from your responses that our family dynamic allows us to kind of have that special kind of communication with our parents. Taylor’s mom and your own parents, too, McGill. But Hannah, I wanted to ask you a question. What about for parents who aren’t as geographically or physically close to us? And Hannah I know you mentioned to me before how your parents actually are in a different country. And could you tell us a little bit about that, your experience in navigating, and I’m sure there are moments where you probably felt like you needed mom and dad. And so how did you handle that?

Hannah: Oh, yes. Well, I just want to preface Kez, again, just tying it back to when I moved away from college and lived an hour and a half away from home. I felt that experience prepared me for this long distance means of communication and seeking their emotional support whenever I would need it. And for me, in a way, this benefited me and challenged me at the same time. Because growing up, having that emotion of support, I feel I can sympathize with what McGill said. I felt that it wasn’t as common, it was very rare. Whenever we would have to actually sit down and talk about feelings or me opening up to them about what was going on, especially in high school. I think that was just a really pivotal time when I really struggled to be open about sensitive things. 

And now being an adult why it matters so much of what I need to say and what—I don’t want to say, what doesn’t need to be said, but more so emphasizing of being intentional of what I need from them and what kind of guidance I am looking for. Usually whenever I would need to communicate to them through a message that’s when I can actually sit down and really be specific on what I need to ask. I can say, you know, mom, I need you to call me whenever you can. I just need to talk about something that’s really stressing me out. And just being really specific because I’ve told them from time to time, you know, I, you know, I want your advice. But then there’s times if I’m being too overwhelmed or trying to make decisions, I may not have enough mental capacity to reconsider another decision because there’s just so much going around in my head. 

And I think there is one moment where my mom really understood that. She didn’t need to reconfirm, but she just saw how broken I was. And she came home and she just saw me locked up in my walk-in closet, just sobbing. And I told her, like, I don’t know what to do. Like I just need some time. Give me space to think of what to do next. And then after that, my mom suggested, okay, let’s go eat out. And it helped out because I felt less pressure to really open up to her. We were in a public space. But she really understood my wishes. She gave me the space, and I felt that just elevated our connection with each other in terms of emotional support. Where I was specific with my words and I told her what I needed and she was there to support me. Versus, interjecting like, do you need this? Do you need that? Like, tell me what’s going on? Because for me as a person, that’s too overwhelming and it wouldn’t benefit what I need from them. You know, it’s just going to clash.

And I feel it matters because I think there’s some adults out there, even those my age or those younger, that struggle with this a lot, where their–their communication with their parents, it’s not so good. You know, maybe there’s some that they’re distant from them. They don’t even consider them on a daily basis. And of course, if they have the chance to be far away from their parents as much as possible, they think, hey, well, it’s my own life. But for me, since we are in this situation it really forces me to really make these decisions on my own. And of course, when I need to finalize that decision, I always turn to prayer and meditate upon it to God. And still update my parents, like, okay, this is what I decided it doesn’t go this way. This is the other alternate route. And you know, they’re there to, you know, give me the thumbs up, like, okay, or give their advice. And of course, how it’s helped where I’m at in my faith with what I’m doing in the Church. All the different ways I’m staying, active, checking in with myself, I have the Church to thank for. Because of course, in the four years I was away for college, I was surrounded with a loving, local congregation, meeting new brethren who were also in the same situation as me being away from my parents and just really navigating that time to put on those big girl shoes.

Kez: I realize that it does no good to anyone hiding. Hiding our emotional—our feelings from our parents, because it’s not good for us, emotionally as well. But I wanted to throw this question to Brother Donald. As young adults, as young people in this world, why should we still seek advice from our parents?    

Brother Donald: First and foremost, I want to make mention of what Brother McGill said earlier. And in fact, he also answers your question. Sister Kez the reason why we should reach out to our parents, especially if we’re facing different kinds of challenges, is because they just have a plethora of life experiences. They have just had to deal with life a lot longer than the children.

And even though it was also mentioned earlier that perhaps there may be parents who don’t understand because the circumstances are different. You know, this is now. And when they were young people, that was then. But at the same time again, when it comes to parents, especially those inside the Church, because they kind of grew up listening and hearing the words of God and trying to implement them they can give not just sound, but wise admonitions just to guide the children when it comes to making those major, major decisions in their life.

And another thing I want to mention, too, is that, when it comes to, those children or young members of the Church who may even say that they don’t really have the greatest of communication when it comes to their parents. It’s like that communication has been severed in ways. Well, the question I ask is, well, what are we trying to do when it comes to mending the fence or, you know, reestablishing that communication with our parents?

We definitely should pray, let’s pray to God. Let’s ask God to help us when it comes to reconnecting with our parents, when it comes to our line of communication, because they do have something that they want to let us know of, we can approach them when it comes to any kind of situation, and they will have some sound advice, especially when they see that the children are reaching out.

You know, parents who really love their children, that they want to help. And that’s why, you know, we can even read here in, Proverbs 1, 8 to 9 and it states the following:

Listen, my child, to what your father teaches you. Don’t neglect your mother’s teaching. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and clothe you with honor.

[Proverbs 1:8-9 New Living Translation]

Brother Donald: So even if when it comes to children, they reach young adulthood, perhaps they are embarking on their post-secondary education. They’re entering college and or university. Perhaps for others, they finished those courses. We can still learn so much about life from the parents. Parents may not be so tech savvy nowadays. You know, when it comes to the younger members of society, even children, you give a child a cell phone or an electronic gadget, and then, they’ll just go through it, you know? Yeah, I have seen young babies pick up a cell phone. And of course, they’re imitating their parents. They see their parents swiping on the screen, and these children are swiping on the screen, they’re accessing.

But, again, when it comes to parents, based on their experiences in life, they can greatly aid their children or the younger generation to make wise decisions in their own lives and thus avoid regrettable decisions. So that’s why I want to also mention, again, let’s try to do our best for all of the younger generations of the Church members, and even those who are not yet members of the Church. Let’s try to do our part to reach out to our parents. If there was some kind of communication gap that has been developed over the years because they’re still with us. They may not be with us forever, but they’re still with us now. And since they’re still with us, you know, let’s show that A) we really appreciate their sacrifices and their efforts and B) we’re prepared to listen to their admonitions and advice and have those kinds of conversation so that they can also learn from us. What is our feeling, what is it that we would like to do that doesn’t violate God’s will, but it’s something that we’re thinking about when it comes to our future, our career. And through that, two way communication and conversation, all the more we can make, the most of the time that we still have with our mother and or father. And most especially for parents inside the Church, all the more to solidify our faith and trust in God.

Kez: Thank you so much for that, Donald. And it kind of hit home to me when you mentioned something about, we should value our time with our parents. I mean, for myself, my parents are getting older, and because I am also getting older, it’s the quiet love that my parents don’t show me. We talked earlier about how, for us, it’s we wonder how our parents take in and we wonder how our parents will take it when we ask them for advice and we may share with them our decisions. But you know that made me notice what happens behind closed doors. What my parents do for me without me seeing and one of them is praying for me. I knew about that. I knew they were doing that, but hearing it from my mom and dad, like, really hit home to me. 

And I also knew in the back of my mind that my dad is getting older, my mom is getting older. So I wanted to ask, are you okay? Not just physically, like, are you all right? And so I was actually concerned about my own parents as wellbeing too. It’s not just the other way around. I expressed to them too that, “Mom, I’m also worried about you guys. It made me also think, I’m so far away from you, how am I supposed to take care of you?” 

And so I wanted to bring that question out to you guys. And, Kat, I wanted to ask you this question. First off, why is it still important to take care of our parents?

Kat: It is really important that we take care of our parents. Because, growing up to a young adult now, like now as a young adult, we know that our parents had a lot of sacrifices, especially here in the Philippines. It’s a developing country, it’s a poor country. So they had a lot of sacrifices for us to provide our daily living, to provide things that we need, especially on performing our Church duties. 

So, as they take care of us, as they guided us through our lives, especially on being involved always in the Church, this time they’re getting older. It’s time for us to give back those care, those efforts that they gave to us from before. Because, their endless love, their endless support, always keep us, getting on what we are now. And now this is the time to take care of them, too. I can say that we cannot get back all of the efforts that they gave us before. But we can make our very best to take care of our parents now. 

Kez: Thanks for that, Sister Kat. And. Yeah, I totally agree. You know, our parents did so much for us, and now I think it’s time for us to give back. And so I wanted to actually just throw that question as well to you, Taylor.

Taylor: In short, I feel like it’s important to take care of our parents because they took care of us, and they’re still taking care of us. I think we’ve gathered from this discussion so far that no matter how old we’re getting, as we continue to progress in our adulthood and in our lives, our parents seem like they want to make it clear to us that we’ll always have them on our side if we ever need them. They will always be there for us. If we have questions or if we need advice, they want to be there for us and they make that very clear. So I feel like the least we can do is to show our care for them as well, for that, for their continuous love and care for us. And I feel like we’re also getting to this point where we’re realizing that our parents are not just our parents, right? They’re also fellow adults. And it’s kind of weird to think of it in that sense, because we spent our entire childhood looking up to our parents as, like our heroes, the ones who fix all of our problems, the ones who can help us when we’re hurt, when we have a boo boo and we need it to be healed, we go to our parents crying. And that’s how we’ve seen them for so, so long. And then when you enter adulthood, you realize they kind of go through some of the struggles that you’re also going through now. Like my parents also file taxes, I file taxes. We’re probably all worrying about financial things and our livelihood.

So thinking about it in that sense, right? Our parents are fellow adults. I’m sure we all are more than willing to show our care for our friends, right? Our fellow young adults. Almost in that same sense, we should have that same desire to show our care for our parents, because they’re also, at the end of the day, they’re also adults. Still learning about some things as well. Still, just trying to make it each day, just like us. I feel like the fact that we can relate to them in more ways now as young adults really, shows that we kind of go through some similar struggles and, we can help each other out in a sense.

Kez: I think that’s super important as well to remember the fact that our parents are also still learning. We’re living in a very fast paced world, where things are constantly evolving, constantly changing, technology wise. And so I think sometimes we have to slow down and remember, like we said, Taylor, to take care of our parents and check in on how they’re doing.

And so, Brother Donald, I wanted to also bring that question to you as well. what does the Bible say about us taking care of our parents when we get older?

Brother Donald: It’s not easy watching one’s parents become elderly. You know? They’re not so energetic anymore. They spend more time just sitting there reflecting on life. Their mobility is challenged. And sadly, some parents become sickly. But as the children witness their parents getting older, they indeed have an obligation, coming from the Lord our God, as stated here in 1st Timothy 5 and the verse is 4:

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, they should learn first to carry out their religious duties toward their own family and in this way repay their parents and grandparents, because that is what pleases God.

[1 Timothy 5:4 Good News Translation]

Brother Donald: Please notice when it comes to the children, God be willing, the time may come that they will have their own family, they may have their own children. And God be willing again, our parents, at least one of our parents, may still be there. And because of this, we have a duty to repay our parents. We’re not talking about dollars and cents, even though if we can help our aging parents with some of their basic needs, of course we should. But we should definitely repay them in the sense of spending time with them, helping them to feel and hear our sincere love for them. Genuinely trying to meet the golden years of their life is enjoyable and comfortable as possible. 

And let’s not forget, time is a very precious commodity. You know, for our listeners, when was the last time for those who still have a parent or parents, when was the last time that we said to them, “Mom, dad, I love you”? When was the last time that we hugged our parents? If physically we are close enough at least to visit them and give them that hug, and just to show to them that, when it comes to their efforts, there’s no perfect parent. You know, parents have to learn as they rear children, and you will go through the same thing too, God be willing, if you get married and you have children, and you’ll find that there’s no book per se. There are many books, but children are unique, you know? And when it comes to the uniqueness of their own child, well some of those books are redundant. But what we can rely on is the teachings of God, because what is most important is that, again, we abide by God’s teachings. And one of those teachings is for children to respect their parents, to love their parents, to listen to their advices and admonitions at the same time, to have that kind of communication with parents when we can really talk from the heart. With respect, we can say this is what I would like to do in my life. I would like to get into theatre. I’d like to eventually be able to be an author, whatever is our heart’s desire. And then with the parent’s guidance and their rationale based again upon the teachings that they received, during worship services, during other Church activities, they can give that sound advice to all the more guide their children.

But bottom line is, as we watch our parents getting elderly, they’re getting older, as children again, we should show to express to them before it’s too late. Because again, time is precious—we just don’t know. But you know, before then, let us make our parents feel that all their efforts, all their sacrifices, it was never in vain. We love them so very much, and we appreciate what they’ve done for us.

Kez: Thank you so much for that, Brother Donald. And that is something—and we’ve mentioned, all of us, that we are members of the Church Of Christ. We attend worship services where we hear lessons about parents, our family and our duties as children. And even on, @bible.verses.inc on Instagram, and even on INC Media news, like there are posts recently about parents and how they should we should always appreciate them. 

So I’m actually gonna throw it to McGill. We go through the same experiences as everybody else. But what makes us unique is we’re members of the Church Of Christ, So what do you think makes an INC (Iglesia Ni Cristo) parent special? 

McGill: I think what’s very special to have an INC parent is that, they’ve grown up in the Church or at least know the teachings, and then they had you as a child and from there you’re probably going to the Children’s Worship Service. And from there, that’s where we learn God’s teachings. And then, but through that, maybe there might be some things where we might not understand. I know that there are some of us here that went through the Children’s Worship Service, and there might be some things that is hard to understand. That’s where our parents come in. When they are INC, they can further teach us more of what it is to be inside the Church. And having an INC parent, having an Iglesia Ni Cristo parent, can really help us understand what it is to become—to be a member of the Church Of Christ. 

And I think that’s, really, really wonderful to have as a child, because, you know, being in the Church, it it is each and every one of us is, most blessed things that have to have that election to have the membership and to further understand it, our parents is are there to help us to to really to, yeah, to really understand why it is important. And, as we are children and as we grow up, we stay on that path. Our parents are guiding us as we grow up and we stay members of the Church Of Christ. As we grow older, it’ll only lead us to success. So really, having an INC parent, there’s a lot of love to be shared. And, they introduce us and teach us further about how to be a member of the Church Of Christ, which is very, very nice. 

Taylor: One thing that I’ve noticed from them throughout my life is that they really place a lot of importance on prayer. I’ve noticed that with everything that we’ve gone through in, our life, our family, whether it be, when we were in the process of looking for a new house, a new place to live a couple of years back to, when my brother was recently deployed, just a few months ago to a very foreign country to, my brothers and their education and me finding a job last year. Through all of those events, they really reminded us to turn to God and to ask God for help. And in all of those instances that I just mentioned, they made it a point to pray with us as a family. And that’s the part I really, really appreciate: That they recognize that they as parents can only do so much. It’s really God who’s going to help all of us. And that’s the type of thinking that I’m so appreciative for, and the type of thinking that I always strive to come back to time and time again.

Kez: If I could just probably share my own story. My dad is a Minister of the Gospel, and my dad is probably one of the busiest people that I know. And I see him talk about—talk to brethren, lead brethren, and I see him as well also get tired, physically, because he is human. And the one thing I do always notice about my dad is he doesn’t say it, but he just always works so hard. Like, if it’s for the Church, he will do it. If it’s for the Church, he will, no matter—If he has to wake up at 4:00 in the morning or he has to come home late at night. There are times where I’m already in bed, and then that’s when he’s coming home. Or I would wake up in the morning, he’s just about to leave to go to a bible study or to go to worship service and preach. And that’s something that I take away from that. That the effort and the energy that he puts in the Church is so—he, he pretty much gives his own life to it, and that’s the one thing that I want to do. And that’s why for me, when it comes to Church, like it’s not a burden at all, to me it’s nothing that it’s like, oh, I need to—I can’t do this. This is, no I know I will make time. I will make time for Church and so that it is done. 

And that’s something that my dad taught me. And he never said it to me. He never taught it to me verbally. He taught it to me through my actions. And that’s just through the closeness and relationship that we have in our parents. Brother Donald, you know, to, to just really tie up this part of our conversation, what makes an INC parent special?

Brother Donald: What makes parents in the Church Of Christ so different and so unique is because of the great importance that they give to the teachings of the Bible that have been taught unto us by the Church Administration during worship services and other Church activities. And, of course, they abide by what the Bible teaches, as in Deuteronomy 6, verses 7 and 5.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

[Deuteronomy 6:7,5 New King James Version]

Brother Donald: So when it comes to the instructions and the advices of the parents in the Church Of Christ, again they’re based solidly on God’s commandments. And when the parents and children alike are living their lives based on the tenets or the decrees of God, then everything bodes well for the family. For example, here in Psalms 128, verses 1 to 4, we can read this. 

Blessed is every one who fears the LORD, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD.

[Psalms 128;1-4 New King James Version]

Brother Donald: So this is what makes a family in the Church Of Christ so very, very special. From parents to children, they strive their best to live their lives based on God’s teachings. And because of this, the household is blessed, regardless of the children’s age. They continue to exhibit genuine respect and also love for their parents because those parents initially have proven their love for their children ever since those children were born. It’s only right then for children to cherish the time that they still have with their parents, and to prove to the mother and father that when it comes to again their efforts, their sacrifices in raising them, all of their efforts and sacrifices were not in vain. 

Kez: And so, and I’m sure with all the stories that all of you have said, McGill, Taylor, Hannah, and Katrina, we need to actually say thank you and appreciate our parents. And so, I’m actually going to start with you Kat, what would you say if Mom and Dad were listening right beside you right now? What would you say to them? Because I’m sure that they will be listening to this podcast. And so why don’t you go ahead and give them a little message for them, just for them?  

Kat: Oh to my parents. I know that you’re listening. I just want to thank you and to say that I really appreciate you. Again everything that you have done for us is really great. And I cannot, cannot imagine if I can give it back. But I know how you strive to lead us no matter what. There’s a lot of challenges in life. It’s always you who will lead us in, in the true faith and always, guide us in, in everything that, that will make us better. And even though we’re going or in the adulting period, even though we’re growing up, it’s. Oh, excuse me. Wait, I’m not crying. I’m just—I really don’t I,oh, starting to cry but, but that’s all. I really appreciate you and I hope, I hope I can do such things that will make you feel that I appreciate you a lot and make you feel that everything will be a safe place as soon as we’re together. I love you. 

Hannah: To both my mom and dad, I’m strong now because of you two. So you don’t need to worry about what will happen when it comes to what we’re facing right now. And it’s just—we hear that, you know, those words from time to time in different forms, whether it’s from, you know, our close friends, brethren, we know the Church or even our own parents. But saying that in the moment just felt so right. And I would imagine they would tell me that same thing too, you know, in any part of my life, future parts of my life. So of course, whatever you know, you’re going through right now, I’m here. Of course, even if you’ll say so otherwise, I won’t take that as an answer. Sorry, not sorry!  You think I’m going against what you said? But no, I love you all both. And this is my way of just showing how much I thank you and even thank you in words doesn’t seem enough. Well, I hope my actions of what I want to pay back to you both and what I’m doing in the Church now with my current duties and newfound duties, that this is my extension of showing that love, giving that love to Almighty God. So thank you both. 

Taylor: Hi mom and dad. I know we don’t verbalize our affection too much in this house, but I just wanted to remind you that I appreciate you two so, so, so much. You both have made it so evident that you’re proud of me for the progress that I’ve made—I’m not going to cry–for the progress that I’ve made in my education when I was still studying, in my career now, and even in my—the roles that I have accepted inside the Church. And I feel how proud you are of me every single day. But I also wanted you both to know that I’m really proud of you too. 

I know that you both have your own goals and aspirations in life. Why am I getting so emotional?! I know that you both have your own goals and aspirations in life, and…I didn’t think I’d be the one to get emotional. And I realize the sacrifices that you’ve had to make to raise your children and build a family. I know it probably wasn’t always easy, and it probably still isn’t always easy, but I want you to know that it is what my ultimate goal in my life to take care of you both. As much as you have taken care of me, if at all possible. 

So I just want you to know that one day I hope that you feel all the love and the pride that I have in you both as well, and I love you both very much. Thanks. 

Kez: I’m not crying, you are. And I think for my own mom and dad, like, the message is clear. Like, I do all of these…I do everything for the Church, because that’s what you taught me. But also, I also do it so that you guys could be proud of me. And, you know, my mom and dad aren’t one to be vocal as well, but, like, little things, like screenshotting every time I’m on INC Media, my dad would screenshot and send to my relatives, it’s so embarrassing.

McGill: W dad! 

Kez: I mean my dad just sends things and he’s like, “Watch this”. I’m like, oh no, my uncles are going to see all this. But you know, that’s his action. That’s his way of saying, you know, like he’s so proud of what I do for the Church. And like, he always talks about like what I do for INC Media, what I do for my own local congregations. Whatever I do, my mom and dad are always proud of me. And like, so, you know, I just want to say…mom and dad, like, I honestly would not be the person that I am if it wasn’t for you guys.

Taylor: It’s okay. It’s okay

Kez: And that is all I’m gonna say today! Okay? I need to do it in a thicker accent so I don’t cry. Thank you so much!

McGill: That was really touching Kez. I really do want to share a message to my, to my mom and my dad, something that honestly, I want, I want to ask them every single day and tell them every single day—that my message to them is, what are we having for dinner tonight? I’m hungry. Let’s have, let’s have some food to eat and conversations to talk about and to share our love for one another. I love you, mom. I love you, dad. Thank you so much for all of your sacrifices. Thank you so much for your—all of your hard work. 

Although I hope I’m not too much of a hassle to be a mother and a father to and all of those little things that you have done for us, even in silence, I do appreciate and I hope that, we just continue our lives and be happy with one another. So, thank you so much. And, yeah, I love you guys. Thank you so much.

Kez: Thank you so much, McGill. And just to finish up our discussion for today, Brother Donald, is there any final advice that you would like to give to the youth regarding our parents?

Brother Donald: Yes there is. Sister Kez, there’s something I’d like to read here in Proverbs 23, 19 and 22. 

My son, listen to me so that you may become wise, and think about the way you live your life. Pay attention to your father who brought you into the world, and do not hate your mother when she is old.

[Proverbs 23:19,22 Unlocked Dynamic Bible]

Brother Donald: You know, when it comes to those children they should never look down upon their parents. Because it was because of the sacrifices, the toil and sweat of their mother and father that they were gifted in the first place with an education. You know, the parents were there to give the children the reassurance that they could be successful. The parents looked after the children when those children were sick and nursing back to health. And there are times that the parents would they themselves, they are sick, they’re not feeling well. But when they think about the needs of their sons and or daughters, they still go out and they still work.

And when it comes to the parents in the Church Of Christ, they diligently inculcated God’s teachings in the heart, mind, and life of their children. So that’s why, again, we mentioned earlier but we have to mention it again. Beloved young members of the Church, while you still have the time before your parents have finished their course, and they’re just awaiting the second advent of our Lord Jesus Christ, may we try to reciprocate in one way or another our appreciation for the efforts and the labors and the love of our parents. 

You know, in truth, when it comes to parents it doesn’t really matter per se if the children you know do not attain a high level when it comes to career. They may not be a doctor, you know, they may not be an engineer. But as long as the parents see that their children are respectful, they’re obedient to the teachings of God. They are good citizens, you know, that makes the parents so very, very happy.

And that is why, you know, the children we really should take advantage of the time that is left when it comes to showing, expressing, proving our love and our adoration in ways when it comes to our parents. So that when the time does come, that the parents may be laid to rest there’s not going to be any regrets. Because we know in our hearts before that day came, we not only said, even though it’s very important to say it with feeling and we hug our mother, we hug our father. And we really say to them, you know, I love you so much. Thank you so much for everything. Before that day comes, if we’re able to do so, then we will not have any regrets because we will be assured that our parents—they know how much we did care for them, we love them. 

And not only that, we can also look forward if our parents are able to complete their course successfully as members of the Church, we can also look forward to do the same so that we can be reunited with them in ways they’re in our true home, the Holy City.

Kez: Thank you for the wonderful advice, Brother Donald. And thank you so much. to my co-hosts, Katrina, Hannah, McGill, Taylor, for joining me today and for sharing your stories about your relationship with your parents and for all our listeners who are joining us here today.

To anyone listening to our stories. And from what you’ve heard, we hope that you’ve learned something about your relationship with your parents. Remember that no matter what, our parents will always be there for us, no matter how old we are. 

Thanks again for joining us. Now, if you want more content, there is so much more to explore, watch and listen on incmedia.org or on the INC Media app, which you can find in app stores. You can also follow us on our Instagram account @heartandsoulconversations for future updates and inspiration. Or if you want to DM us and let us know how this episode helped you, we’d love to hear from you. 

Thank you for listening to the Heart and Soul podcast, brought to you by INC Media Audio, where we have honest conversations that nurture our souls. And whatever you’re going through today, remember that you’re not alone and we hope that today’s conversation brought you peace and brought you closer to God. See you next time!