Dela
Anni is a mom of two young girls living in Okinawa, Japan where her husband is stationed with the Marine Corps. In addition to her work as a non-profit grant writer, she volunteers with the Military Birth Resource Network and Postpartum Coalition and hosts their podcast, Military Birth Talk.
A big challenge for military parents is creating care plans for older children during birth. They often live far away from family or have recently moved and don’t have a village yet. Anni’s care plan was shaken up as her induction kept getting pushed back and conflicted with her family’s travels.
Though her plans changed, Anni was able to go into spontaneous labor and avoid the induction she didn’t really want! Her VBAC was powerful and all went smoothly. She was amazed at the difference in her recovery.
Another fun part of Anni’s episode– she connected and met up with two other VBAC mamas living in Okinawa through our VBAC Link Facebook Community! We love hearing how TVL has helped you build virtual and in-person villages.
Military Birth Resource Network and Postpartum Coalition
How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents
Full Transcript under Episode Details
Meagan: Hello, everybody. You are listening to The VBAC Link, and I am with my friend, Anni, today sharing her stories. Anni is one of our military mamas. This is the final episode of the week of military episodes. So even though it is a little bit after Veteran’s Day, that’s okay. We are celebrating our military mamas today.
Welcome to the show, Anni.
Anni: Thank you so much. I’m so excited to be here this week.
Meagan: Me too. I also can’t believe that you are here right now. We were just chatting before the podcast about time. You guys, it is 4:50 AM where she is at. I just can’t even believe it. You’re in Japan.
Anni: Yeah. We live in Okinawa, so I’ve got to do stuff at weird times if I want to stay in touch with anybody in the States. It’s the military thing.
Meagan: Oh my goodness. Yes. She is in Japan. She is a mom of two young girls and like she said, she is living in Okinawa, Japan where her husband is stationed with the Marine Corps. Her personal values are community, joy, purpose, and creativity which all drive how she spends her time. In addition to her work as a non-profit grant writer, she also volunteers with the Military Birth Resource Network and hosts their podcast, Military Birth Talk.
So mamas, if you are a military mom, and I’m sure a lot of people are flocking to these episodes this week, go listen to Military Birth Talk. Can you tell us a little bit more about Military Birth Talk?
Anni: Yeah. So as you said, it’s a part of the non-profit Military Birth Resource Network and Postpartum Coalition, so MBRNPC for short. That’s an organization that provides resources for military families who are in the perinatal stage of life, so if you’ve just moved to a new duty station and you’re like, “Oh, I need a doula who’s covered by Tricare,” you can go to their website and reach out to one of their chapter leaders. They provide that kind of resource. Also, there is sort of an advocacy wing of the organization that works on policy changes impacting military families.
This is our podcast, Military Birth Talk. Right now, we’re featuring mostly just military birth stories, but we’re in our third season and this season, we’re going to be adding some additional episodes like policy conversations, interviews with experts, and that kind of thing.
So, as you said, if you’re a military-affiliated person listening and you want to hear some firsthand accounts of what it’s like to give birth within the military healthcare system, we’d love for you to tune in.
Meagan: I love it. Thank you so much for doing that and explaining more.
Anni: Yeah.
Meagan: I just can’t wait for you to share your stories. I do have a Review of the Week, and then we’ll jump right in.
Today’s review is by RiverW88. It says, “Gives me hope.” It says, “As a mama who had an unnecessary Cesarean and a poorly planned VBAC attempt that failed and resulted in a Cesarean, listening to these stories and information gives me hope for the future. Not only do I hope to have a third baby and a successful VBAC, but as a doula and an experienced birth photographer, I cannot wait to support other women through their VBAC journeys. I look forward to sending my clients to your website and podcast, and not too far in the future, take your VBAC doula course for myself. I love the way you present facts and inform while giving mamas a platform to share positive stories about a topic that is so scary for so many people thanks to the lack of education out there.”
Oh my goodness, that is so true. There is such a lack of education out there and that is why we created the VBAC course that we did and the VBAC doula certification course. So, if you are a parent looking to up your game for VBAC, or if you are looking as a doula to learn more about supporting clients who are wanting a VBAC, definitely check us out at thevbaclink.com.
Okay, Anni. Let’s jump in.
Anni: All right. So I am excited to share two birth stories. I’ll focus mostly on my VBAC since that’s why we are all here, but I’ll give a little bit of context about my first birth. It was pretty routine honestly. I had a breech baby, and there were no breech vaginal birth providers in my area at the time, so that’s the spark notes version.
But to give a little bit more context, at the time, we were stationed in North Carolina in Newburn, North Carolina. There are a few providers out there, but not a ton. It’s sort of remote-ish, but because my husband is in the Marine Corps, we were a little bit limited. I actually was on Tricare Select at the time, so for those of you listening out there who aren’t familiar with military healthcare, as a spouse, you can be on Tricare Select which is where you get to choose your own provider. You don’t have to be seen by the military healthcare system. You pay a little bit extra. Or, you can be on Tricare Prime which is completely free, but you have to be seen within the military network.
I was on Select at the time, so I was paying a little bit extra to choose my own provider which is kind of funny because there was really only one provider in that town anyway. This is one of the reasons why flash forward to a few years later, I wanted to be a part of the Military Birth Talk podcast because we often as military families get a lot of advice that doesn’t really fit our life. One of those pieces of advice is to pick your own provider. Do whatever you can to pick your own provider. Sometimes, that’s just not possible. That’s just not true for military families, right? It can be true for a number of reasons, but it’s very true for military families, so choosing my own provider was not really that possible given where we were located.
That didn’t really come into play until the end when I found out that our baby was breech. Generally, the pregnancy was great. It was a really empowering, positive experience for me. I loved learning about birth. I really hadn’t been involved at all in the “birth world” until I became pregnant, then I totally immersed myself.
I was super excited to give birth. I was super excited for all of the little quirky things like going into labor and my water breaking, seeing my mucus plug come out, and all of the birth nerd things that I had heard people talk about on all of the podcasts like this one that I had been listening to throughout my pregnancy.
It was a pretty routine, positive pregnancy. About halfway through, we found out that we would be moving to Kansas at about 6 weeks postpartum. This is another one of those military things that people would say, “Oh, enjoy nesting and have a really quiet, peaceful postpartum.” I was like, “Okay, that goes out the window. Our house will be packed up by the time the baby is born,” because with the military, you have to send stuff super early. There was no nesting, no quiet postpartum period. There was a cross-country drive at 6 weeks postpartum.
That was my first wake-up call around how birthing within the military community can be unique. Up until then, because I was on Tricare Select, I was like, “Oh, I’m not really a part of this military thing when it comes to my healthcare.” That started to shift around then.
Then around 36 weeks, we got a scan and found out that the baby was breech. I was so upset. I had just spent the whole pregnancy looking forward to this experience that I now wasn’t going to have. It felt like I had been studying for a test or preparing for a final exam that now I wasn’t going to get to take. That’s obviously not true at all, but emotionally, that’s how it had felt. I had gotten so excited about the possibility of seeing what my body could do.
It almost felt like I had a sports car and now I was going to be forced to drive it in automatic or something. It just felt like I wasn’t getting a chance to experience this thing that I had gotten so excited about. We were really upset, and my husband was too because he had gotten really excited about being able to support me in labor and all of those things.
We decided not to do an ECV. I’m sure your listeners all know what that is. Partially, it was because I wasn’t a great candidate for it. My placenta was anterior, so that increased the possibility of an emergency outcome. I had a high volume of amniotic fluid, so that also decreases the chances of success, and the position that the baby was in, she was completely breech. She wasn’t transverse. She was totally in the wrong position.
We were like, “I think we’re not great candidates. Let’s not do it.” We just booked the C-section.
The C-section was fine. It wasn’t traumatic, but especially now having had my VBAC and being able to compare the two, it wasn’t a great day. I had surgery, anesthesia, and felt nauseous all day, I couldn’t really hold the baby until 9:00 that night. The silver lining of that, I would say, is that my husband got to spend the whole day holding the baby because I didn’t really feel well. I think that was really special for him after having 9 months of this abstract idea of a baby, and now he got to spend that day with her. I look back fondly on that aspect of it, but otherwise, it was surgery.
The recovery was fine. I thought it was, at that point, again, now having had the VBAC and knowing the difference, not really that bad. It was a week and a few days of significant pain, and then after that, it was not too terrible. But again, just not the birth experience that I had hoped for.
Then after that, I was not one of those people who was immediately gung-ho about having a VBAC. I think I was a little– I felt so disappointed that I didn’t really want to go there in my mind. I was like, “You know, it might just be easier to schedule another Cesarean and not worry about the emotional disappointment.”
I didn’t want to do that either, so I just didn’t really want to think about birth at all for a while.
Meagan: That’s a valid feeling and very normal.
Anni: Yeah, so I took a big break mentally from birthy stuff. We did have a pregnancy in between our two daughters’ births that actually ended at around 19 weeks due to Trisomy 18 which is a genetic chromosomal abnormality that is incompatible with life, so that is its own whole story. I don’t like skipping over it because we appreciate his life, and it’s a part of our story. We love our baby boy that we didn’t get to spend enough time with.
After that, I got pregnant again when we moved to Okinawa. When my first daughter was about a year old or a little bit less, we found out that we would be moving overseas to Okinawa, Japan. We arrived. We had the 19-week loss, and then a few months later, I got pregnant again with our second daughter who is now almost 9 months old.
The pregnancy was so awesome for the most part. I had a little bit of anxiety around having just had the loss and feeling a little bit guarded. I would say it took a little bit of time to actually really be able to believe that she would be born. I think for a long time, I just didn’t expect it to work.
I think that was compounded by my Cesarean experience. I had this feeling of, maybe my body just doesn’t work or something. That took a little while to get over, but for the most part, the pregnancy was great. Because we live overseas, we are not required to be seen on base, but the off-base options are very limited here, especially in Okinawa.
The specific, weird thing about the community here is that because Okinawa is such a small island which many people don’t know that it is a small island. It’s not even off the coast of Japan. It’s floating in the middle of the ocean.
Meagan: Really? I did not know that.
Anni: Yes. If you look it up on the map, you’d see that it’s just a dot on the ocean. Because it’s so remote, the local vibe here is basically that if the American military is going to have so much presence on this tiny island, they should be caring for their own people which is reasonable.
So getting seen out in town is not as easy as it is back in the States because the options are just very limited. The other thing is that really, the only other option that Americans have out here as far as being seen “out in town” which just means off base, is a birth clinic and they don’t accept VBAC patients there.
Really, my only option, if I wanted to do the VBAC, was to be seen at the military hospital.
So, my care there, I was being seen through Family Medicine. You can either be seen by OB or Family Med. I chose Family Med because I wanted to just continue to be seen by my regular PCM. I thought that that continuity of care was nice.
Everything went really smoothly. I was sort of on the fence about the VBAC. I knew I wanted it, but again, I was emotionally guarded. Once we got into the second trimester and I started thinking more about birth, I started doing a little bit more digging thing, reading The VBAC Link Community posts a little bit more carefully.
Actually, funny story, I posted something in that group. I can’t even remember what the question was. Oh, it was about induction actually because it looked likely that we would want to schedule an induction so that we could plan to have family fly out to be with us. They had to buy plane tickets and stuff. Even though that was not at all what I wanted to do from a VBAC perspective, it felt like what we would need to do as far as getting care for our toddler.
I posted in that group to try to see if people wouldn’t mind sharing their positive VBAC induction stories. Two of the people who responded saw my picture and they were like, “That’s in Okinawa. We’re here too,” so we met up for coffee and I’m good friends with them now.
Meagan: Oh my goodness.
Anni: Yeah, so shoutout to Sarah and Tatiana if you’re listening. That was really nice to feel like I had a little bit of community here in that way around this very specific topic. I started really committing to the idea of a VBAC. I also, when I say committing, my goal was that I really wanted to have a joyful birth, I didn’t want to suffer. I wanted it to be joyful. I wanted to feel present like I didn’t have the last time.
My thinking about it was basically that those were my priorities. If it ends up being that having another Cesarean is what would get me those things, I would rather have that than lose the joy and the feeling of being present. I’m not willing to suffer just to get this outcome.
That was my list in my head. I got a wonderful doula named Bridget who was totally on board with my priorities. She and I really aligned around our level of risk tolerance around VBAC because the hospital here on Okinawa, the Naval hospital, had a couple of specific things that they wanted for VBAC. They wanted me to come in right away as soon as I felt any contractions or if my water broke. They wanted me to come in right away, whereas my preference initially was to have labored at home.
So that was one example of one of the things Bridget and I talked about around, okay. What’s our preference around how we handle this? Do we want to say, “No thanks. We’re going to labor at home for as long as we can”, or do we both feel more comfortable just getting to the space where you’re going to deliver and knowing that you’ll be there and they’ll be watching to make sure that everything’s fine?
Where I shook out on that was that I’d actually rather just go to the hospital sooner. That was actually fine with me. It was really nice to have somebody to talk through that with. It was nice that we felt aligned in that way. She is really used to working with military families. She is a military spouse herself with two young boys, so that was really a really supportive relationship.
My husband felt that way with her as well, and she is still a good friend. That was a really important part, I think, of my preparing for the VBAC.
The hospital providers were super supportive which I was very surprised about. I didn’t receive any pushback. Anybody who I saw during the course of my pregnancy was totally in support. In fact, I had a TOLAC counseling which they require so they can tell you all of the risks and benefits and whatever. The provider who gave me the TOLAC counseling, I think assumed that I would be coming in blind, so she did her whole spiel. At the end, she was like, “What do you think? What do you think you might decide?” I was like, “Yeah, no. I’m definitely going for the VBAC.” She was like, “Okay, great. I think that’s a good choice.”
I was surprised by that. I think people, myself included, expected military hospitals to be very antiquated or by the book or very risk averse, which they are, but in this case, it was really nice to see that they had caught on to the fact that in many cases, a VBAC is not actually more risky.
Meagan: Risky.
Anni: Yeah, exactly. That was really nice to feel like I wasn’t going to need to be going in with any kind of armor on. So fast forward to the birth, as I had mentioned, I had “wanted” to schedule an induction for logistical reasons. The way that the hospital here works because they are chronically understaffed as many military hospitals are, if you’re having an elective induction, so if it’s not medically necessary, they give you a date, then you call the morning of that date and they tell you what time to come in based on the staffing ratios.
Our family who we had called to come for the birth that we had scheduled this whole thing around, arrived, and the next morning, we called as it was our scheduled induction day. I will say that the only family who could come was my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, so my husband’s sister and her husband.
She’s a surgeon back in New York, so she only had a 6-day period that they could come. That was part of the reason why we wanted to schedule an induction. They got here. The next morning, we called the hospital, and they said, “Oh, we’re too busy right now. We can’t safely bring you in, so call back at 4:00.”
We called back at 4:00, and they were like, “We’re still too busy. We’re sorry, but you have to call back tomorrow morning.” My doula had warned me that this was very common. She was like, “Expect maybe 12-24 hours,” but I was just in this manifesting headspace that everything was going to go great, so I was super disappointed. We went to sleep. We were like, “Oh, we were supposed to be at the hospital tonight.”
We woke up in the morning, called the hospital, and again, they said, “We are still too busy. For the third time, we can’t safely bring you in, so you have to call back at 4:00.” I took a long walk by the ocean. We got lunch. We just killed time. I took my toddler to the playground. I’m like, “Okay, this is it.”
We called back at 4:00 PM that day and they were like, “I’m so sorry. We’re still too busy.” This was the fourth time. By this time, there was actually a day between when our family arrived and when we started calling. By this time, there was no way they were still going to be here if we had to go for the induction, have what was inevitably going to be a long induction because I never labored with my first, spend the 24-48 hours at the hospital, and then come back, there was no way our family was still going to be here.
I was so stressed. They were like, “We know we’ve pushed you now four times. Why don’t you call back tonight at 8:00 or something? We think we’re going to get a discharge between now and then. We’ll see if you can come in at 10:00, and we’ll see if we can start the induction.”
I was like, “You know what? Our schedule is already messed up at this point. It sounds like it’s already a crazy situation over there at the hospital. I don’t really want to go into that mess, and I don’t really want to start an induction at 10:00 at night.”
I was like, “Can we just come in tomorrow first thing, at 5:00 in the morning?” By this point, it was going to be a Saturday. We were supposed to go in on a Thursday. It got pushed all day Thursday and all day Friday. I said, “Can we push it to the first thing on Saturday morning?” The charge nurse who I talked to said, “Yes, that’s fine.”
We go to bed. We wake up in the morning, so happy that finally, today was the day. We say goodbye to our toddler. We get to the hospital at 5:30. It’s super quiet. Nobody was there. We bring the bags up. We unpack. I had affirmations that I had printed out, Christmas lights, music, essential oils, and all of those things. We start unloading the bag.
The nurse comes in and gets me hooked up to monitors to do a non-stress test. We do that. I’m sitting there on the monitors for a half hour. Then she comes in and she says, “The NST looks good.” She starts getting an IV ready because one of their protocols is that they want VBAC patients to have two IVs actually.
Meagan: Okay, what is the deal with the two IV thing? I’ve been hearing this. I apparently need to dig really far into it. Why two IVs?
Anni: They said that one was for hydration.
Meagan: Okay. Hydration, like for ORs?
Anni: Yeah, and the other is for medication, so if they need to hang a quick bag of something like Pitocin– I don’t even know. It’s so silly because I didn’t have anything. When I eventually did get the IVs, I didn’t have anything in either one. The second one was really hard to get in. They spent an hour and a half trying to get it in. I didn’t even have anything in the first one. I was like, “Nothing is in the first one. If you need to give me meds–” Whatever.
Meagan: Stop the hydration and put the meds in, or maybe they need that extra port that they can put in. That’s interesting.
Anni: Yeah, so she goes to put the IV in. A nurse comes in and goes, “Wait, don’t put that IV in.” I’m like, “Why?” They were like, “We don’t know. The provider wants to talk to you.” The provider comes back in and she was like, “I’m so sorry, but we didn’t realize that you were a VBAC. We weren’t tracking that. You got pushed, and we won’t induce you on a weekend because we only have one OB and we want to have two,” so we had to go home. They were like, “You have to go home, and you can’t come back until Monday.”
I burst into tears. This poor OB was like, “You can totally yell at me.” I’m like, whatever.
It was so ridiculous. We go home. We were like, “All right. Now, we don’t know what we will do for childcare.” Thank goodness, my sister lives in San Francisco. Her husband had a work trip that week that got canceled, so she was like, “I can actually just fly out and be there for you.” She has two kids, so that’s why she wasn’t going to come before, but now her husband was going to be home. She hopped on a plane right when that happened.
We go home, and we were like, “Okay. We will be coming in on Monday.” We go to bed that night on Saturday, and I woke up at 2:00 AM with contractions in labor.
Meagan: Oh yay!
Anni: I could cry now thinking about it. It was the beginning of a day that was the culmination of everything I had wanted from a birth experience for the last 3.5 years.
I had been having a little bit of prodromal labor that week, but it would be one contraction at 2:00 AM and then nothing else.
I woke up at 2:00 AM. My husband was sleeping on the couch by this point in pregnancy because I had one of those massive pillows, and he was like, “I can’t. I don’t fit.”
Meagan: I can’t compete with the pillow.
Anni: Exactly. I was like, “I’m sorry, but I choose the pillow.” He was on the couch. I woke up at 2:00, and I was like, okay. I’m having a contraction. 15 minutes later, I had another one. I was like, “Okay, I had two, but 15 minutes apart is a long time.” But then, 15 minutes later on the dot, I had another one. Then it was every 15 minutes for the next 2 hours from 2:00-4:00 AM. My dogs were there. I was just really enjoying it, honestly. I was feeling emotional. Nothing was super uncomfortable yet, so it was just period cramps and that kind of a feeling.
But I was like, “Okay.” We were supposed to take our in-laws to the airport that day because that was the day that they were leaving. I’m like, “Okay. I know how this works. I’ve heard a bajillion birth stories. I’ll wake up at 6:00. The house will get busy. The contractions will peter out. I’ll have the whole day to do whatever, then they’ll probably pick up tomorrow night after I put my toddler to bed.”
So in my head, I’m like, that’s the day. That’s what’s going to happen. The plan was that I was going to drive my in-laws to the airport that morning because my husband was going to pick my sister up late Sunday night. That way, we could split the trips. I didn’t want to do the late-night run.
6:00 in the morning rolls around. I wake up my husband and I’m like, “Hey, I’ve been having contractions for 2 hours, but no big deal. I’ll take Megan and Paul to the airport,” which is an hour away. “I’ll be back later.” He was like, “What are you talking about? You’re not going to take them. Nobody’s going to the airport an hour away if you’re having contractions. They can take a taxi. They’ll be fine.” I’m like, “No. They’re definitely going to stop when everybody gets up. That’s always what happens.
He’s like, “No. I don’t care if nothing happens today. You’re not driving to the airport if you’re having contractions.” I was like, “Fine. That’s silly, but whatever.”
Everyone wakes up. I’m still having contractions, but they were very short. They were 30 seconds long and very tolerable. There were a couple that I was like, “Okay, I want to get on hands and knees and hang out on my yoga ball.” But for the most part, they were super easy.
8:00 rolls around. We called a taxi for my in-laws and we actually had a babysitter lined up for that day anyway. I can’t remember why, but we decided just to keep her basically and have an easier day.
The babysitter arrived at 8:30 and my husband went out. Right as she arrived, my husband went with my toddler to go do something quickly, so I was alone with Brittany, our nanny. I had this one contraction and I was like, “I don’t want to talk to her.” We had just met her at that point. She was new to us, so I was like, “Small talk feels really hard right now. I can’t make small talk.” I was like, “Hmm. That’s kind of interesting.”
Meagan: That’s a sign.
Anni: But in my head, it wasn’t. It was going to be a 48-hour experience. That was just in my head. Again, I didn’t labor at all with my first, so in my head, this was a first time birth. My body has not done this before.
Once our toddler was with the babysitter, I went upstairs and I got back in bed with my dogs. I was just having contractions. I was snuggling with my dogs just trying to stay present. My husband came in and hung out with me for a little while. He said, “You know, if you’re still feeling good, I’m just going to run over to the commissary (the grocery store on base) and grab some essentials because we didn’t think we’d be here this weekend, and now we’re out of milk and eggs and whatever, so I’ll go grab some things, and I’ll be back in an hour.”
I was like, “Great, no problem.” He left around 9:00. At 9:45, I was like, “I can’t do this alone anymore.” I feel crazy saying that because it was way too fast to be saying that, but I texted him saying, “I think I need you to come back.”
He came back. He brought me some fruit salad because I hadn’t eaten anything yet that morning which I could barely get down. I was in labor for sure, but in my head, I still was like, “This is going to be such a long experience. Nothing is progressing yet.”
I got in the shower. That spaced things out for maybe one long gap between contractions, and then right after that, they started increasing. They were getting closer together, and they were more like 7 minutes apart, then 6 minutes apart.
I was having to moan through them a little bit. We called Bridget, our doula, to be like, “Hey, what should we do?” I was able to talk to her with no problem in between contractions. I was fully present and lucid, so I was like, “Okay, this means I’m not in active labor because I’m totally present. I can have a conversation,” but then during the contractions, I would really need to put the phone down and moan.
Meagan: Okay, I was going to say, but that was in between contractions.
Anni: But in my head, again, I was so emotionally guarded around, “I don’t want to expect that this is going to happen. I want to expect the worst.” She was like, “Okay, yeah. They are 6 minutes apart. I would really recommend that you wait until it’s been at least 1 or 2 hours when the contractions have been that close together before you consider going in, but if you want to call the hospital and ask them what their preference is, you can do that.”
I was just starting to feel really anxious about laboring in the car. I also just had this feeling that I just wanted to be there. I just wanted to be where we were going to be and feel settled, which surprised me. I thought I would want to stay at home for a long time, but it was the feeling when you have an afternoon flight. You don’t want to hang out at home before your flight. You just want to get to the airport. That was how I felt. I was surprised by that feeling.
We called the hospital. We told them what was happenind, and they actually did say, “Yeah, why don’t you just come on in?” We told Bridget. I was a little nervous. I was like, “Ooh, I bet she’s going to think that this is a misstep. We are going in so early.” But I just was like, “That’s what I want to do.”
We got in the car. We went over to the hospital and got checked in triage. I was a 1. I had never had a cervical check before ever because my last baby was breech and in this pregnancy, I hadn’t been checked yet. I was super, super tense, and the provider, the nurse, was like, “I can’t really get up there. Your cervix is really high and hard. I can’t really get a good feel, but you’re definitely a 1 or a 2.”
So I was like, “Okay, not great.” She left and was gone for a while, I guess, to talk to the provider, and then when she came back in, my water broke, and there was meconium in the water. So I was like, “Okay. All of these things are not great. I’m at a 1. I’m a VBAC. My water is broken, and there is meconium. All of these things are going to make the providers feel urgency around getting this thing going.”
But I was like, “Ugh. I definitely don’t want to get an epidural if I’m only at a 1 because that’s a terrible idea, but I also really don’t want to get Pitocin if I don’t have an epidural.” I was really hoping that I could have a natural birth without any medication, but I also again, going back to my list of priorities, I was like, “I want the joy. I want to be present. I don’t want to suffer. If I can check all of those boxes and also experience an unmedicated birth, then that would be amazing, but I’m not willing to sacrifice any of those things.”
So after my water broke, they brought me into the delivery room. I just started laboring. They came in maybe a half hour later and said, “We probably want to start some Pitocin.” I was like, “Let me wait on that. Just give me a minute to think about things,” which we can always do. Ask for more time if nothing is an emergency.
Thank goodness I did that because in the half hour, I was thinking about it– not thank goodness that there was an emergency, but there was an emergency, and the only OB who was there that day got called away to do emergency surgery, so he became unavailable for the next several. The Pitocin was off the table for the time being, and so I just got to labor on my own.
Bridget arrived, and she had me get into a whole bunch of funky positions. The baby was posterior which I knew because I was feeling this all in my back, and so she was having me get into all of these really uncomfortable, asynchronous positions with my legs in all kinds of weird places. It was super uncomfortable, but I knew that it was effective.
I kept laboring. As I said, they had trouble getting the second IV in. That took a really long time even though there was nothing in the first one they had put in. I guess I also had two monitors on me. They were Bluetooth monitors, so one for me and one for the baby. I don’t remember that at all, but my doula said that they were messing with them the whole time because they kept moving. I don’t remember that. I think I was just more in labor land than I realized.
But I had the two monitors. They finally got that second IV in. The anesthesiologist came to do it, and after he did the IV, he gave me the whole epidural spiel which they have to do for legal reasons which I wasn’t paying any attention to because I was just moaning and groaning and ignoring him.
So he left. I kept laboring, and then around– we got to triage at noon and we got checked into our room around 1:00. Around 3:30, they came back in and asked about the Pitocin. I was like, “I need to get more information about this because I need to figure out what I’m going to do for pain management if we’re doing Pitocin.”
Bridget was like, “Why don’t you just get checked again and see where you are?” I was a 7. So either I made a ton of progress in that 2 hours, or I wasn’t really a 1 when I got there, and my body was stressed and it clamped up, or the provider couldn’t get a good read. Whatever it was, in my head, I went from a 1 to a 7.
Meagan: Massive change.
Anni: Yes. I think I giggled. I was just so happy. So they were like, “Okay, well we don’t need to do any augmentation. You’re progressing just fine.” I was like, “Okay. We’re doing this. We’re just going to keep going.” Bridget recommended that I go to the bathroom because I hadn’t peed in a while.
I went over to the toilet, emptied my bladder, then had a huge contraction and felt super like I needed to get off the toilet immediately. I hopped off and went back to the bed. A little bit of time passed, and then I started feeling like I had to throw up, but it wasn’t a nausea throw-up. It was like my abdomen was heaving kind of thing.
I was like, “Am I pushing right now?” It was this involuntary feeling. I knew about the fetal ejection reflex, but in my head, I thought that was more of a sustained bearing down feeling and this was a more grunty thing. Everybody heard what I was doing, and the nurse who was phenomenal, her name is Cassie. She was such a godsend. She checked and she was like, “Yep, you have no cervix left. You’re good to go.” This was at 5:00.
Meagan: 2 hours later.
Anni: Yeah. I just couldn’t believe it. I still thought it was going to be hours and hours and hours because I was so guarded, but it wasn’t. There were about 15 minutes between when she checked me and when I really started pushing. I labored down a little bit. The providers lost the baby’s heartbeat at one point which is super common when they’re in the birth canal, but because this provider knew I was a VBAC, and he had experienced some things before and was very risk-averse, he wanted to do an internal fetal monitor. I was like, “You know what? Not ideal. I don’t love it, but that’s fine.”
I wanted to maintain that calm environment in the room. I didn’t want people to start freaking out. I was like, “That’s fine. Do what you need to do.” They did the internal fetal monitor. I rolled over to my hip. I wasn’t having those grunting urges anymore, but I could feel the baby moving down on her own. I felt her head start to stretch me, then she sucked back in. It started to feel scary like, okay. There’s no way out at this point. I’m the only one who can do this. I’m going to feel all of this.
I gave a couple of really strong pushes. Up until then, I had been breathing and pushing because that’s what my pelvic floor therapist and I had talked about, and I had really practiced that. But the provider again, had nervousness about the heartbeat. The internal monitor wasn’t picking up what they wanted it to, so the nurse was like, “Okay. Let’s give this one really good push.”
I gave one really good push. I felt her head come out, then shortly thereafter, her body. My husband said, “Oh my gosh, she’s here. You did it!” They put her right up on my chest, and it was just incredible. Looking back, now I say it was incredible. In the moment, I think I was completely shocked because it was so fast. I had a ton of adrenaline. I had the labor shakes, so my chin was chattering. My husband moved the baby down a little bit because he was like, “You’re going to knock her in the head.”
It was just amazing. I felt so empowered. It took me a few hours to come down from feeling shocked, but 3 hours later, we were in our room with the baby, and I had showered already at that point, walked myself to the maternity room where we would spend the next day, and it was just so beautiful. I look back on that day all the time in my head. I relive that day all the time in my head. I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was so incredible, and it was an experience that I will draw strength from for the rest of my life. It was just amazing, yeah.
Meagan: Oh my goodness. And being pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and having a plan, and then it changing, and having a plan, and it changing, I mean, it was meant to work out this way.
Anni: Yeah, yeah.
Meagan: I’m sure you can feel that now. Oh, it is just amazing. It just goes to show that sometimes first-time vaginal births don’t take 40 hours. They can go quickly if your cervix is ready and your body is ready and your baby is ready. I love that your doula was like, “All right, let’s get in these positions.” You talked about going from a 1 to a 7. You may very well could have been a 1, but positional changes and getting better application with the baby’s head to the cervix can make a big difference.
Anni: Yeah. I will say I think one of the things that also made a huge difference was that I mentioned I had seen a pelvic floor physical therapist. I had started seeing her around 20 weeks because I thought I had appeased knees at one point. I was like, “I want to nip that in the bud right away.” I went to go see her, and we really worked a lot on relaxing my pelvic floor and how I would need to do that during labor.
I thought I was one of those people who was like, “I’m relaxed. I can relax my pelvic floor. That just means not clenching,” but it’s so much more intentional than that.
Meagan: It is.
Anni: Practicing actually really relaxing my pelvic floor through pregnancy was so helpful because I knew what I needed to do during a contraction to not tense up at all. I think that really helped things progress. Even with a posterior baby, usually that can take a really long time, but it was a really fast labor. I give my pelvic floor therapist at Sprout Physical Therapy if anybody is looking, she was wonderful.
Meagan: I love that so much. I love that you pointed out that you did it before pregnancy. A lot of people, me included– I didn’t think of pelvic floor therapy before I had my baby. Why would I have pelvic floor therapy before I even had a vaginal birth? That’s just where my mind was, but it’s just so, so good.
Now, I personally have seen a pelvic floor therapist, and I understand the value and the impact that they can make so much more. Like you said, they teach you how to connect and truly release and relax because we might think we are, but we are not.
They can help avoid things like really severe tearing and that as well.
Anni: I had no tearing. I had a first-degree tear. It was easy peasy. Yeah.
Meagan: Yes, yes. I have heard that a lot of people who do pelvic floor therapy can reduce their chances of tearing based on what they know and how they connect to the pelvic floor.
Anni: Yeah. Yeah. I’m just super grateful and so grateful for resources like this. I think storytelling is such a powerful tool and listening to all kinds of VBAC stories was really helpful, even the ones that didn’t go as planned because that’s always a possibility. I really wanted to be mentally strong against that. I didn’t want to be crushed and feel like I lost my hopes and dreams. I wanted to come out on the other side of what happened with some sense of acceptance, so hearing all of the stories was so helpful, and having the community here and having my VBAC friends here in Oki was amazing.
Meagan: I absolutely adore The VBAC Link Community, and I love hearing that, not only did I meet people who were my friends online, but we connected in our own community because there are Women of Strength all over. You never know, if you reach out there, you will probably have someone down the street. There are thousands and thousands of people in there, so I highly suggest to go to The VBAC Link Community on Facebook. Answer the questions and dive in because there are also stories being shared there daily.
Anni: Yeah. I felt so reassured. I think I got 40 responses when I asked for positive VBAC induction stories. There were so many responses, so I was like, “Okay. I can totally do this.” It made the pregnancy easier. Regardless of what the outcome was going to be, it alleviated the anxiety that I had about the induction.
So even though it didn’t end up going that way, it definitely made a positive impact on my pregnancy.
Meagan: Absolutely, and I know that VBAC groups can make a negative impact as well like it did for me. I was in the wrong VBAC supportive group that I thought was supportive and it just wasn’t. That is why we created this one. There are other amazing ones as well, but that’s why we created this one because we do not handle the B. S. We just do not tolerate it. It is a loving community and only a loving community. That is what it’s for.
Anni: Yeah. I was also in the chat feature. There was a chat group for people who were giving birth in the same month. I was in the January group. That was an amazing group of people too. I got so familiar with those names and those stories. People were so supportive of every outcome. There were people there who got their VBACs. There were people who ended in unplanned Cesareans. There were people who at the last minute, decided that they wanted a Cesarean, and everybody was loving and supportive. It was just an awesome vibe.
Meagan: It really is. Oh, that makes me so happy because these are exactly the goals that we had when we created these groups. Oh my goodness. Anni, thank you so much for taking the time to be with us today. Congratulations on your VBAC, and I am so, so happy for you.
Anni: Thank you so much, Meagan. It was so awesome to be here. I love this podcast. Thank you for everything that you do, and thank you so much for having me on here today.
Oh, do you know what? I had one more thing I wanted to share with Tricare, everybody. I’m a Tricare doula. I work with Tricare here in doula. Definitely talk to your Tricare rep if you’re out there listening to see because some of them do offer coverage for doulas.
Anni: Yes.
Meagan: I just wanted to let you know.
Anni: Yes. They just announced a new set of regulations around that. Literally, new laws just came out around that so there are new details around that, but if you are on Tricare Select, you have the option to have your doula be covered by Tricare. Just a quick advocacy plug here, if you’re being seen at a military hospital, you cannot access that benefit which is a huge problem because Servicemembers have to give birth at military hospitals, so Servicemembers themselves cannot access this benefit which is a huge problem.
That’s one of the things MBRNPC is trying to advocate to change coming up. So if you are listening out there and you have any access to any kind of advocacy channels, please get the word out that we need to fix that.
Meagan: Yes. It does need to be fixed. Talking about hiring the doulas because it’s Select and you go outside, we do have to have referrals from that provider. We have to actually have a referral from that provider for the doula before we can start, and we cannot start before 20 weeks so just to let you know.
Even though a lot of people hire doulas early on, Tricare does not allow us to be seen until that 20-week mark. So gear up, plan, know that at 20 weeks, you can start seeing a doula and learn more about it. Oh my gosh. Thank you again so dang much.
Anni: Thanks, Meagan.
Closing
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