In today's episode, I interview psychotherapist Terri Cole about high functioning codependency (HFC), a term Terri coined to describe high-achieving individuals who take on excessive responsibility for others, often at their own expense. Terri explains the impact of HFC, such as stress and strained relationships, and highlights the importance of setting boundaries and allowing others to handle their own issues.
Terri offers practical advice for breaking the cycle, including mindfulness techniques and self-regulation strategies. We discuss the benefits of overcoming HFC, like improved energy and relationships. Terri also shares relatable examples and encourages small, manageable steps to start change. Be sure to check out the amazing resources, including Terri’s book and a starter kit for those looking to break free from HFC.
More about Terri: Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global relationship and empowerment expert and the author of Boundary Boss and Too Much! For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show.
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KEY POINTS:
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:42 Meet Terry Cole: Expert on Codependency
01:51 Understanding High Functioning Codependency
05:45 Terry's Personal Journey and Insights
11:55 Traits of High Functioning Codependency
17:03 Challenges and Recovery
23:30 Setting Boundaries with Loved Ones
24:22 The Journey to Recovery
25:13 The Cost of Overfunctioning
26:18 The Real Flex: Resisting the Urge to Fix
26:58 Surrender and Acceptance
28:04 Recognizing High Functioning Codependency
28:40 Tools for Change
30:08 The Importance of Vulnerability
31:17 Living Life Fully Present
31:44 Practical Steps to Recovery
40:18 Family Dynamics and Delegation
42:45 Conclusion and Resources
QUOTABLES:
And really, you start to see how, if they just give themselves the gift of surrender—and truly seeing and loving people for who they are, nothing more, nothing less—they can allow themselves to experience life, relationships, and intimacy in a whole new way
- Julie Solomon
I'm talking about things we do voluntarily—things we've automatically taken on as our job, even when they don’t really need to be. The first question is, do I have the bandwidth to do this without becoming resentful? And the second is, do I even want to do it? - Terri Cole
GUEST RESOURCES:
Check out Terri's Book, TOO MUCH: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High Functioning Codependency.
➡️ Follow Terri on Instagram
RESOURCES:
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