Main Fiction: "Eventual Consistency" by Zero HP Lovecraft.
This story was previously published at the author's website.
Zero HP Lovecraft is in the room with us right now. He is a known antichrist-hater and woman-respect-maximalist. He believes that love and emotions are chemicals but, hypocrite that he is, he relies on chemicals to tell him his emotions are chemicals. But he will not perish like a dog, oh no–he'll fight.
Narrated by Randal L. Schwartz.
Randal L. Schwartz is best well known for his seminal books on the Perl programming language that helped make the world wide web possible and popular. He produced a weekly audio and video podcast on open source software, but has given that up after 13 years to get those five hours per week back again. Between the podcast, and bouncing all over the world teaching programming and speaking at conferences, he's no stranger to the limelight. He enjoys pulling out his gear to record yet another narration, and likens it to "getting to read bedtime stories to the kids I never had", and looks forward to future assignments.