Podcaster
Welcome to July’s Q&A episode! Today I dive right in with some excellent questions about whether to allow “sexy” dolls like L.O.L Surprise Dolls in imaginary play, being aware of which franchises and marketing campaigns your children are exposed to, and how to encourage your child to play independently. I break down the relatively recent phenomenon of children expecting their parents to play with them and keep them entertained all day, and what you can do about it, even if you have an only child. Boredom is the basis for creativity, and it’s okay to establish boundaries for time together versus adult time for you. I share the two simple, but powerful words you can use to stop a rude or sassy attitude in its tracks, and what to do if your child is “acting out” in physical ways but not necessarily melting down.
Finally, as we slowly return to our busy lives after the pandemic, remember that work, relationships, and parenting demands can drain our energy resources quickly. I offer my perspective on why it’s so important to rest, slow down, and pay attention to what activities feel restorative to you and your soul (reading, limiting social media, going for a walk in the woods) in this sometimes draining season of life.
Thank you for your listening, and I appreciate your patronage more than I can say. For more information on my potty training and parenting resources, please visit the links below.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Reminder to do strength training as it helps your body to heal itself
- Question about L.O.L Dolls, and whether to allow “sexy dolls” in imaginary play
- Make a conscious choice about which franchises and marketing campaigns your children are exposed to
- Watch your child’s play for any signs of inappropriate behavior, and keep in mind that most of the time, these types of toys or images are not sexualized for the child
- When you absolutely do not allow a certain toy or word, it may just make it all the more desirable
- Monitor shows and movies that your kids are watching as well to be sure content and attitudes are in line with your values
- Sitcom zingers and one-liner jokes may seem innocuous, but they can be hurtful or create huge attitudes in real life
- What to do when it seems like your child can never get enough attention or one-on-one connection
- Don’t let yourself drown or become resentful
- You need to hold a strong boundary because if you keep moving it, your kid will push even harder for that payoff in the end
- Kids are normally meant to play with other kids, and it isn’t our job to make sure they are entertained and occupied all day
- It’s okay to let you child be bored
- Make it very clear that there will be time when you play together, and time when they can do things by themselves
- Having “Reading Time” together is also a great way to not only encourage reading, but also for them to learn how to be with you without expecting to be entertained the entire time
- Boredom is the basis for creativity
- When your child is being rude or sassy, you do not need to point it out - simply ask them to try again
- When they are acting out, you don’t want to give in or engage in negotiation - instead, acknowledge how they’re feeling, give them the emotional vocabulary to explain why they’re upset, but maintain that they still do the thing you asked them to do and thank them for it
- This helps teach emotional wisdom
- They may be acting out because they don’t have the language to express how they feel, or they are afraid you may get mad at them if they do voice their feelings
- Work, relationships, and parenting can drain your energy resources quickly
- It’s very important to rest, slow down, and pay attention to what activities feel restorative to you and your soul in this sometimes draining season of life
Quotes
“We have to all be really cautious about what we let into our house, knowing that there's marketing attached and franchising attached.”
“I would watch the play… Is the play going into this weird sexy zone?”
“If your child's in their room playing with their stuff, and it's cool, I wouldn't worry about it.”
“It's really worth investigating what your kid is watching and making sure that the attitudes in the show are really great.”
“If you think about a typical sitcom, they do a zinger. They do a one-liner, and then it cuts to a commercial or it cuts to the next scene. And you hear the canned laughter or maybe even a live studio audience. But you don't get to see how the zingers land.”
“It's definitely worth watching stuff with your kids. Because what can seem really innocuous can create huge attitudes.”
“It takes almost as much mental energy for me to coerce him to go play. So what that tells me is, if it takes you a lot of energy to get him to scram, it means you keep moving the boundary.”
“If you move the boundary, then the kid’s going to push even harder.”
“This is the first time in history that adults have ever played with their kids or entertained their kids.”
“What I would do, especially for the summer, I would definitely set a time and say, It's noon. This is the time that you spend by yourself. And I spend by myself,. You can go do anything you'd like in your room or outside. And I will set the timer and at one o'clock we can meet up again. And we can play a game together.”
“Simply say, [Try] again. Generally speaking, when your kid is being rude or sassy, they are well aware that they are being rude and sassy. So you do not need to tell them they're being rude and sassy.”
“You don't need to bring home like, You're being rude. They know they're being rude! They're trying to be rude. In fact, they're doing it to see if they can get away with it. So when you say, Try again, they know exactly what you mean.”
“You can totally say, I see you stomping. I know you're upset with me. It's okay to be upset with me. And I'm really happy that you're doing the thing anyway.”
“One of the things you really want to do is recognize when your child is acting out their emotions, because they may not have the words or they may not have the capability to tell you the words, or they are afraid you might get mad.”
“We don't want them to be scared of us, we want them to use their words at all times.”
“Start paying attention to where you feel fulfilled, where you feel rested. Even though you might be full of action, it still might be restorative to your nervous system, to your soul.”
“It's not even about rest like that - you have to slow down everything - even though I highly recommend that. It's about figuring out your energy sources and where to put your best work.”
“It's not just rest in the typical, Stop moving your body. But think of what's restorative to you.”
“If we are constantly going, going, going, and if we are constantly providing stimulation for our kids and activities for our kids, they'll never know how to be bored.”
Links:
Jamie’s Homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/
Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU
Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler -
Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki?
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