In today’s episode we talk about boundaries, or what Marion calls “saying no.”
We explain the innate capacity we all have to know when we feel a ‘yes’ and when we feel a ’no,’ and how growing up in a colonised culture disconnects us from easily knowing and expressing our “no’s.”
We share about how experiences of having love removed when we said “no”, or being shamed or punished, lead us to feel uncomfortable with clearly speaking our “no” as adults.
Lael talks about inviting parents to reflect on their imprints from what happened in their families growing up, and how that is impacting them now.
Lael also shares reasons why parents can be reluctant to say, “no” to their children, which can include knowing that saying “no” will help children connect with either disappointment about not getting their needs met, or bigger feelings that were causing unenjoyable behaviour in the first place.
We both talk about how reconnecting with and befriending our childhood experiences of powerlessness and outrage is an important stage of the journey.
Marion talks about the difference between when we simply don’t want to do something and when we want to stop something unenjoyable from happening, either with a child or an adult.
In the first scenario, we might simply say “no” to our child or another adult when we don’t want to do something.
In the second scenario, we can set a Loving Limit with a child who is hitting, biting or throwing - (saying “no” to the behaviour and “yes” to the feelings that are causing the behaviour), and we can express a Neo No to an adult.
As we were talking, we both get really passionate about how important it is for mothers to reclaim our capacity to say a Neo No within the domination system, particularly in birth and parenting.
We LOVED recording this and wonder if you love it too!
Lael's upcoming offerings:
Aware Parenting Course for Couples - coming October
8 Week Aware Parenting Immersion starts 12th October laelstone.com.au/courses/aware-parenting-immersion-level-1/
Marion's relevant offerings:
Making Friends with Children's Feelings Course
(includes Loving Limits):
Powerlessness, power-over and power-with in parenting Masterclass: