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There’s a lot we misunderstand about empathy, says Jamil Zaki, a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the author of The War for Kindness. Which is good.In this episode, he’s talking with Elise about empathetic distress—why empathy doesn’t always mean taking on the pain or struggle of someone else, and why being empathic can be a joyous experience. He explains what keeps us from this kind of empathy and connection: often shame. And he teaches us about finding a language for our feelings: “The people who can name their emotions are also most effective at working with them.” His take-home point? Empathy isn’t something we are born with; it’s something we build. (For more, see The goop Podcast hub.)

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