#212: Situationships, Sex & Splitting the Bill Dating Q&A with Anna Rova - CLAIMED — Feminine/Masculine Polarity. Femininity. Embodiment. | Lyssna här

Back in May, I ran a live webinar called "Magnetize Your Masculine Man - How to Create Your Dating Funnel with Intention."

It was extremely successful! We ran out of spaces on Zoom, we went over two hours, and I still had some unanswered questions at the end, so I promised everyone who I didn't get to that I'd answer them in a separate episode.

Dating is supposed to be fun and exciting. But many women in today's world are feeling exhausted and burned out on dating. Dating feels yucky.

The good news? There is a way to change that. There is a way to do dating right and with a lot less effort so that it actually feels good.

The bad news? It's all on you! But hang on... this is good news too, right? Because if it's all on you, then you have the power to change your dating reality.

So, if this is you, don't give up yet.

On the webinar, I shared some of the principles I work with which include polarity, the Three Stages of Dating, the 10 Rules of Being Claimed. But, even if you did not attend the webinar, my answers to these questions that came up are going to be helpful for you.

Join me for a deep dive into dating dynamics, polarity, and staying in your feminine. Here are just a couple of the juicy Q&As in this episode:

Choose someone who chooses you.

Q: Stacey recently bumped into an old friend and there was a spark. So then went on a date and it was all going great... until he got scared, saying she's "marriage material" and that he's not ready for that. She asked Anna, "Do you think there's any coming back from situations where a man starts letting his fear lead?"

A: Yes, there is always coming back from situations like this, but that's not your responsibility here.

Of course, you could run after him (as many women do). You could tell him, "No, no, No! Don't be afraid, it's okay, we can do this." But, I don't think you want to put yourself in that position.

A lot of the time, men tell us straightforwardly that they are not ready for a committed relationship, or children... but we as women don't believe them. We try to present ourselves in the best possible way so that he can see that "I'm worthy, I'm available" In this situation, he's explicitly, directly, and openly telling you that he's not marriage material... yet. And he is afraid to go there.

If you choose him when he doesn't choose you and you pursue a relationship with him, that's going to end up as a situationship.

So you've gotta listen to what he's telling you, recognize that, trust that... and you've gotta let that be. So, the only coming back here is to let him come back to you.

Choose someone who chooses you. Women make the biggest mistake choosing men who do not choose them. Do not make that mistake. Do not go that route.

How do you do that? You need to work on your belief system — about men, about yourself, about your femininity — and you need to just stay in your body. Because there are so many men out there who want to claim you, who want to pursue you. And if your pattern is attracting emotionally unavailable men then that is a deeper-rooted issue that you need to work with, and this is something that we work with inside our group coaching program.

There is no "rulebook" when it comes to deciding about sex.

Q: SM asks, "Is there a minimum amount of time one should wait before having sex with someone you're dating?"

A: I really turned into a dating coach, didn't I? If I get questions like this! (LOL)

Look, I don't have a "rulebook" here. I'll be the first one to put my hand up and say I've had plenty of first dates where I had sex on the first date. There's a lot of theory out there that you don't want to get sexual too soon and this is similar to something I tell all of my women.

Sex for us as women is very different than is for them as men. Why? Because of evolutionary psychology and biology. When a woman starts having sex with a man she gets attached. Why does she get attached? Because (I talked about this on the webinar), evolutionarily speaking, when a woman gets physical with a man then your body is basically telling you, "Alert, alert! Pregnancy... alert! I might be pregnant. This might be the future father of my children, therefore attach, attach, attach!" For men, it's not like that. Their body is only telling them, "Impregnate as many women as possible and move on."

There is a lot of risk involved for a woman to get sexual with a man. Yes, we have contraception today, but our evolutionary system doesn't know this.

So, I don't have a minimum amount of time for you, but I would say it's a good idea to wait until it feels right for you. Wait until there is an emotional connection. Wait until you're in a relationship, which is what some women prefer to do and I think it's a good idea, even though I was never able to do that.

It is your choice. Your rules. Your body. Your boundaries. And a man who wants to be with you will respect those boundaries.

I think I slept with my man around the second week after we met and we're married now. I know there are a lot of coaches out there who say, "Wait three months at least." As a coach, my place is not to tell you the rules or the timelines. A great coach will ask you what feels good for your specific situation because everyone is different.